How can you trust a liar?

I found out my husband was cheating on me 1.5 years ago when I was 12 weeks pregnant with our second kid. I found explicit, encrypted messages he was sending to our old neighbour, detailing filthy things he wanted to do and trying to organise a meet up. I found these messages because he had logged in on the browser on my phone and the tab was still open, he had logged out, but the password that he had had for the last forever was no longer recognised. I did some sleuthing on his phone and found his new password, and then logged in one day while he was at work. And watch it all unfold. He was semi deleting as he went because I didn't have access to the whole conversation.

I obviously confronted him, and he assured me that it had all just been flirting and messages and nothing physical had really ever gone on. We decided to try and make it work, on the proviso that we were completely open and honest and I had full access to his phone.

As part of our conversations, he admitted that he had had a number of flirtatious relationships which had mainly been done at work or via messenger over the entire duration we were together, but it was all for an ego boost and he always stopped it before it got physical.

I, being untrusting, not open, nor honest, installed a spy app that allows me to monitor his incoming and outgoing calls and messages, and his browser history (including incognito). All has been fine for the last 1.5 years. Except he has recently been active on a forum where people can discuss their sexuality/sexual proclivities and share content, where he wrote about how he had done things with a girl that he currently works with, at work. I've tried confronting him in a roundabout way to see whether he would admit to anything physical ever happening and he flat out denies it. I don't know when it happened, or if it's still happening, but I feel so broken and stupid for trying to fix our marriage and move past it.
I have no idea where to go from here. I feel stuck in my current situation, I've given up my career, I have no financial independence and I have my kids to consider.

5 comments posted: Saturday, November 11th, 2023