The Birthday Surprise

Not quite a just found out but my first post here so seemed like the best place.

My 50th birthday was six weeks ago. Birthday’s are generally a time of reflection on the year past and the year ahead for me. This year was the first time I ever recall having no regrets, being utterly secure, looking forward to the joys of another year as wonderful as the last.

I’d married my best friend and partner of 17 years just ten months before. Six months before, I’d moved into my dream house. Three months before, I’d been promoted into my dream job. When I say life was perfect, I mean life was perfect (other than my complete inability to land Taylor Swift tickets).

Two day after my birthday, what I now think of as Day Zero, my husband told me his ex-girlfriend (of TWENTY years ago) had sent him an email the week before and he thought he might still be in love with her. And, oh by the way, he loved me but he hated our life.

A week after that, they were doing zoom yoga together in our basement. A month after that he spent a week after that. He returned from the trip and proclaimed that regardless of how things end for them, he’s moving across the country to be closer to her.

Today he announced that he is flying back there the night before what will be our first anniversary to find an apartment. He wants a divorce as soon as possible. He doesn’t even want the responsibility of our dog, who has been the center of his universe since the day we brought her home. He doesn’t even seem remotely upset by any of this. He told me he wanted a divorce six hours ago and just asked if I want Chinese or Mexican for dinner. I’m not sure that he’s even noticed that I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for six weeks

45 days ago I was on top of the world and now that world was apparently just a giant trash heap of lies and broken promises. Clearly this is all happening regardless of how I feel or don’t feel and regardless of what I do or don’t do. I just don’t know what to do. I can’t breathe. I can’t sleep. I can’t get out of bed. I can’t eat. Except for candy which I can’t stop eating.

I’m clearly not alone in feeling like this or feeling betrayed or feeling that my world was just declared meaningless. But I just don’t know what to do.

15 comments posted: Sunday, November 12th, 2023