Completely shattered and confused

My husband (34) and I (33) met in 2019 at work and began dating in February 2020. He saved me i so many ways: I was struggling with being alone, he was the kindest man I have ever met, gave me so much laughter and comfort and hope for the future. We fell in love instantly and moved in together in March due to the pandemic. I honestly don’t know what I would have done without him. We shared so many mutual friends and our families got along so perfectly, it was if we were always meant to be together. He was married before and I was engaged before, so we really bonded on past mistakes and what we wanted out of life.

2021 May we got engaged (much to my surprise but it felt so right), and in September 2022 we married.

Life with him had been nothing short of pure happiness. We rarely fought. We had some big life changes coming up- moving for his potential new job and us actively trying for children, but we were so excited and ready for it all.

August 22nd I woke up to a call from his boss. He was at a medical conference across the country and suffered a massive heart attack. He was on life support. I flew out immediately and spent a full week at his bedside, praying for a miracle. He ultimately passed away, just shy of our first wedding anniversary. to say that I am absolutely shattered is not doing it justice. But the following day, I logged onto his phone/ and laptop (he had given me the passwords previously) and found an app I didn’t recognize. It was a messaging app that included texts with a few women periodically over the course of our relationship (and even before) that were purely sexual in nature but indicated he had sex with them. I also found photo evidence so there is no mistaking. When I say I had No idea, I mean it. I am completely shocked, hurt, disgusted but mostly devastated from losing him.

I am grappling with how to feel. Rationalizing that this wasn’t a love affair he had with someone else. But purely for sex. I don’t know if there is a worse or better scenario when it comes to that. Everyone says he loved me more than anything and that I had made him the happiest he has ever been. How can that be true.

His memorial is coming up—on our actual wedding anniversary. And I am trying to hold it together. Do I focus on the relationship I thought we had? Do I keep digging and find out everything I possibly can about these other women?

11 comments posted: Tuesday, September 5th, 2023