Why continue?

Found out about my wife's EA (and some PA without sex) almost a year ago now. It's been a rough time since. We are in a trial separation right now and alternating weeks at the house with the kids. I am not seeing any progress and her talk is either leaving or basically settling. I'm not exciting person, but I love her and committed my life to her. She's changed over the years and I don't recognize her anymore. She's hesitant to leave because of the kids and finances. Makes me feel so loved (heavy sarcasm). She says she loves me, but I feel like it's a different love.

Issues that I have is that she says that though I've done nothing wrong, I haven't grown over time. Another issue is that she is still in contact with her AP even though she knows it pains me. He is a wedge in her opening herself back to me. I'm at the point where I just want her to make a decision and move forward. I don't plan on filling because this in my opinion is on her and don't want her to control the narrative about how I left the family.

Looking for any advice or experience. I am a lot better than I was in the beginning due to IC and meds. MC hasn't helped. Your thoughts?

14 comments posted: Saturday, June 1st, 2024

Emotional affair (if not more)

I found out last month that my wife had been having an emotional affair (at the very least) with a person in her golf league. She has said that she has been unhappy for over 3 years. I have faults and have dealt with issues of my own (haven't cheated on her). I know I have caused some of her unhappiness in our marriage but not all of it. She says she wasn't looking for this but has found him. I am reviewing my life and taking positive steps for me. She continues to see him every weekand I feel she's growing more attached to him. He is married and has cheated on his wife before but hasn't left her. I am shocked with my wife as I know she is lying to me on things. Her sister was cheated on multiple times by her now ex and my wife hates that guy with a passion. Yet, she in many ways is doing the same things as him. She wants to join a fall golf league and I'm positive he'll be in that. He also has a golf simulator at his home and wants to invite others from their group over from time to time. I want to trust my wife, but I can't. I feel she will eventually leave me and try to be with him (or be alone). We are in MC but not sure that will help (we are also in individual therapy). At what point do I anonymously reach out to his wife about things? I had been spying on her phone texts sent (not actual messages) and also pics she's been taking and possibly sending. I am prepared to be single, but would still like to reconcile. I would love some advice.

74 comments posted: Sunday, September 3rd, 2023