Does Reconciliation Really Work?

My husband and I are trying to reconcile but I am not sure it is possible. Let me give you a little history. We have been married for 13 years. The first time he cheated was at three years into our relationship. He denied everything because I did not have concrete proof but I had some texts from the woman he cheated with. He said she was lying and I chose to ignore what I knew. We then moved out of state so I know that the affair ended. I think it ended prior to us moving and it did not end well which is why she was texting me. Fast forward three more years and this time it was not an affair but he did some illegal financial fraud. He went to jail for three years so those don't count. Once he was released, fast forward three more years and I catch him cheating again. This was my breaking point because it seems to be a pattern that every three years he gets in trouble some way and I continue to forgive and move on. Now it seems like a pattern.

I told him he needed to move out. He wanted to reconcile and I kept saying no. When it came down to the reality of moving out, I agreed to try reconciliation. I realized that stupidly I still love him but I do not trust him at all. We are working on our relationship but it is very hard because I really think he will do it again. The root cause of the issue is the fact that everything is about him and what he wants. He has to get the latest and greatest of everything and he spends thousands of money on stuff. I pay all of the bills and he wants his money to go spend how he wants. He gets new everything and I get seconds. I know he wants to resume a sexual relationship but I just can't seem to get to that point. I don't trust him and I do not want to be hurt again.

I just wanted to ask anyone who has reconciled, how do you get past cheating and learn to trust again. Does reconciliation really work or are we just putting off the eventual split?

8 comments posted: Tuesday, September 19th, 2023

Confronted and Refuses to Leave

I found out earlier this week that my husband has been cheating on me. I suspected months ago but did not have any proof and he kept telling me I was crazy and trying to convince me that I was not seeing things I actually saw. I now have irrefutable evidence and even when I confronted him with this he still tried denying it. This happened years ago but I had no proof so I let it go. At least now he acknowledges that this is not the first time. I asked him to leave and he refused to. He said he is not getting a divorce and he is not leaving. I do not trust anything he says and will never trust him again. I deserve better and I cannot stay in a marriage when the other party obviously does not want to be married. Any advice on where I do from here?

16 comments posted: Thursday, August 10th, 2023