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Iam1983

How to move forward for me

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Iam1983 ( new member) posted at 2:40 AM on Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023
I am 39 (f) husband is 50. Got pregnant at 21 only dated 3 months prior. I put my naive scared self into him 100% I dedicated the next 18 years to raising the family (2 daughters 17&15) working alongside him helping the business. He has always had a past of infidelity ( one night stands) but I chose then to turn a blind eye as my family was young and as a father he was a good one. 18 years later I am contemplating divorce. I through my own choice have not given myself anything, I have no career, no money and little self esteem. My confidence is shattered and I have found out recently (even though he denies) he has started an emotional affair, my intuition is something I do not second guess anymore . I don’t know anything but being with him. I find it so hard to let go, I am not even angry at him more angry at myself for putting myself in this position. We are extremely civil to each other, we don’t fight much, he says he still loves me and wants to be with me, I don’t understand this. I am petrified at the prospect of starting from zero, I have been dependent on him for the whole relationship. I have no friends and am isolated. I am an anxious mess I am not sure if I’m on the verge of being depressed.

My biggest issue is I really cannot tell if he is gaslighting me or that I am the way I am and my contribution to the relationship is the problem. I understand it was his choice to cheat but I can also admit I put out there some pretty negative style communications non responsive /silent treatment/ slept in a different room for almost 3 years. I have serious insecurity issues and my behaviour is boarderline ocd in investigating him and what he is up to. I had every reason to leave but I stayed. I honestly believe my behaviour is toxic. I don’t know if there is underlying issues I have? I understand he has his part too but I cannot help feeling that I openly accepted my situation. I am starting with a therapist this week.

I would like some advice/stories/tips on how to start over.

2 comments posted: Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023

How to move forward for me?

I am 39 (f) husband is 50. Got pregnant at 21 only dated 3 months prior. I put my naive scared self into him 100% I dedicated the next 18 years to raising the family (2 daughters 17&15) working alongside him helping the business. He has always had a past of infidelity ( one night stands) but I chose then to turn a blind eye as my family was young and as a father he was a good one. 18 years later I am contemplating divorce. I through my own choice have not given myself anything, I have no career, no money and little self esteem. My confidence is shattered and I have found out recently (even though he denies) he has started an emotional affair, my intuition is something I do not second guess anymore . I don’t know anything but being with him. I find it so hard to let go, I am not even angry at him more angry at myself for putting myself in this position. We are extremely civil to each other, we don’t fight much, he says he still loves me and wants to be with me, I don’t understand this. I am petrified at the prospect of starting from zero, I have been dependent on him for the whole relationship. I have no friends and am isolated. I am an anxious mess I am not sure if I’m on the verge of being depressed.

I would like some advice/stories/tips on how to start over.

2 comments posted: Tuesday, May 23rd, 2023

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