Revenge cheating

I’m not going to post my whole story here, I’ve already posted it on the Just Found Out forum, if anyone is interested.
Last night I reached out to a woman who I was pretty certain had an interest in me. I dumped my story on her and she invited me over to talk and have a drink.
We ended up in bed.
It did not make me feel any better. I just feel worse.
I don’t know if my wife knows anything, but she is acting very strange and was clearly crying this morning. I’m not trying to reconcile with her so I suppose it doesn’t make any difference. I did it simply for revenge so I could hurt her the way she’s hurt me.

3 comments posted: Sunday, May 14th, 2023

How much should I take?

Hi SI Members,
I’m not sure if I’m seeking advice or ranting. Perhaps both.
Although I had been suspicious for some time, I recently discovered that my wife has been engaged in at least an emotional affair with another man.
Im 49. She’s 46. Married 17 years. Two children(9&7).
She was fired for refusing the Covid vaccine in October/21, and this seemed to change her in drastic ways. She has been drinking heavily since and has been going down the rabbit hole of conspiracy theories.
Around January/22 she began to verbally assault me when heavily intoxicated. Saying unbelievably nasty things such as telling me I should kill myself, I’m a shitty husband and father. I’m easily replaceable, I’m not a man. Never before in our marriage has she ever said anything like this nor complained about much at all. She only speaks this way when drunk then apologizes the next morning saying she didn’t mean any of it. Yet, she continues to do it. She even punched me in the face once.
Around September/22, I began to have suspicions that she may be seeing another man. In her new job, she often has to go to events, dinners, galas and business trips. However, an event would be scheduled to end at 9 or 10 and she would arrive home at 1 or 2 in the morning drunk. A couple times she came home at 6 the following morning.
I looked through her phone periodically and found texts between her and this man. It was clear that what I saw was the tail end of an exchange between them and she had deleted the previous texts.
I then discovered that her phone is linked to our iPad and though she deletes the texts on her phone, they remain on the iPad. I was able to see the full texts going back months.
At first they were pretty benign, he’s from her softball team and they would talk about that or conspiracy theory type things. But gradually it grew and they would meet for lunches, coffee, drinks and the texts got more personal. Eventually confiding in him regarding our marriage. She was upset that I was pulling away, which was true as a result of her drunken verbal attacks. I would just shut down and that apparently made her very angry. I confronted her, without informing her that I could read her texts, and she simply denied. Their relationship grew closer and now they exchange heart and kissy face emojis and say love you to one another. However, in all that I’ve seen, there is no evidence of anything physical between them. They talk this way, meet up behind my back to drink and spend time together, but nothing in their exchanges points to anything physical. I suppose they could be, but don’t discuss it there. I’m not sure.
Our sex life remained the same which is very good. We typically have sex at least four times a week, sometimes more. She’s always been and still is very affectionate toward me. Lots of touching and holding hands and kissing.
I told her last week that she has to make a decision or I would make it for her. He goes or I do. If we didn’t have these amazing kids, I would have already left.
The same day I tell her to decide, she accidentally calls me on her other phone while talking to him. At the end, she tells him she’s willing to keep sneaking around to see him if he’s willing. Of course he says sure. I confront her again and she gets defensive saying she feels like I’m controlling and trapping her.
I’m the least controlling person there is and in all our marriage I never put restrictions on her because I trusted her. She also has been naming all these negative aspects about me to justify her behavior. I know it’s bullshit and call her out on it. She just doesn’t seem to care.
I’ve consulted an attorney and disclosed our finances and everything and I will be perfectly fine financially should I choose to divorce. I really do love her as I feel like she’s been hijacked by some kind of demon…this is just not who she has been our whole marriage.
I just don’t know how much more rope I should give her before walking away. I’m desperate to keep my family together as I’ve read the statistics on the impact of divorce on kids. But she seems to have no remorse or empathy at all. Nor is she willing to get this guy out of our life. Not that it matters, but he’s 15 years older than her, ugly, out of shape and has no money. I’m in great shape, tall, good looking, athletic. So I don’t get this at all.
I should also add, if it matters, that when we decided to have kids, I sold my business to stay home with them because she didn’t want to give up her career or be a SAHM. So I did it. I also worked some nights for extra money. I do everything for the kids still and still work nights and make $4K plus a month part time. My attorney said she’d be the one paying alimony so she has a lot to lose but can’t seem to pull her head out of her behind. I’m losing patience and faith.
I can’t keep feeling this way. I can’t eat, I’ve dropped 30 pounds since September. I can’t sleep. I’m pissed that I’m awake and look over to see her sleeping like a baby without a care in the world. It’s just unreal.

40 comments posted: Saturday, May 13th, 2023

How much should I take? (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Thursday, May 11th, 2023