Long time lurker, first time poster

Hi everyone. This forum has been a great help for me in regards with dealing with my exWW's behavior.

I'll intentionally keep some details vague, in writing this for my own benefit to see how far I have come.

A few years ago, I suggested that me and my wife try both apply for jobs in a different country. Not far away but still another country.

Sure, before this we had our own marital issues. As many do after 15+ years together. And i believed that we are working together towards a common goal. Little did i know that she had checked out, probably a good amount of time (months -years) ago.

Issues like disrespectful behavior, witholding intimacy (even a hug was too big of a task), treating me like furniture or just someone safe to act out towards, belittling, lies etc etc. And i will not try to put myself in a better light, yes it have some issues to deal with myself, and i am. But my issues never took me to disregard our monogamy.

And finally after she did "forget" plans we had. Plans/dates/activities she wanted to do with me, and the explanations to why she "forgot" did not make any sense and didn't seem logical. Shortly after that, my curiosity got the better of me and I did do some investigating, found a few suspicious journal notes and it hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly everything made sense. Ofc she can behave like that towards me, if her heart/mind is already occupied with someone else.

Never gave up my sources, thank you for teaching me this SI.

Anyhow, after doing all the wrong things. Buying her fake act for around two years. Spending money on useless MC/IC we finally found some common ground and i thought we would actually get through this. Shortly after i thought/felt we were actually making progress, she said that "why does it feel like nothing has changed?" And i bluntly asked her to list what she has actually done to make changes happen? turns out no NC letter had been sent, no work done on her why's, still doing the same BS towards me and and blaming everyone else but her actions.

I can deal with her having her own mental health issues, I can separate the issue from the person. I work in healthcare, separating the patient/person from the illness is easy for me. But i could not stay in a relationship that causes me to have this much anxiety. And if I bring it up, her emotional affair that is, then she'd get mad that im still bringing it up. Well yes, you can apologize (once or trice) but if the behavior doesn't change then the apology was meaningless and the BS still continues.

Im rambling, I know. Under 6 months ago when i asked her to type the letter (again) and let me review it and see her send it, she couldn't/wouldn't. I had made up my mind and did not budge, I asked for her ring back. I felt i had to move, leave, find another place. A few days later, after some though I told her to gtfo since she's the one who doesnt want to be with me anymore.

I never got hostile or so. Wanted her to just leave. Sure, she took most of the furniture. I had little to say about the items anyhow. I did keep my pots, pans and knives. I did most of the cooking anyhow.

We did have a sorta live in separation for a few months, that went ok id say. I go to work, to the gym, home, made dinner for me and went to my room/study. Ate there, slept there.

The day she did move out, I cant put into words how peaceful the apartment felt. Next to no furniture, but every inch of the place is mine (renting, but emotionally mine).

During our fake-R, I did months of therapy. Medication and practiced mindfulness about what is going on and what i am feeling. If anyone asks, i can honestly say i am doing well.

Coworkers notice this, family notices i am more relaxed and calm/at peace.

Biggest issue now is to get my degree and figure out how I want to decorate My place.

It was a crazy ride, but i did get out of infidelity.

Towards new adventures.

Oh, both are/were in our 30's during this.

1 comment posted: Friday, April 10th, 2026