I don't want to but is it time?

Hi everyone.
It saddens me to write about this as I've been dealing with this for many years now.
My wife and I have been married for 28 years. We have a daughter who is 19 going to college. She's my little love. Last weekend I was crushed from what I discovered. I caught her sexting another man that she got to know over social media. A couple weeks back I felt something was off and talked with her about how I felt that she was hiding something from me. She was on her phone when I surprised her. She closed her phone suddenly but not before I thought I'd seen a pic of a man shirtless. Its was quick but I was sure I saw that. As I ask her what she was looking at, she said just FB. I felt she was lying and demanded for her to show me her phone. I looked at it and saw nothing of the sort. I told her what I saw and she just said was probably band members on stage as she does follow bands/Artist. I wanted to believe her but I couldn't. At this point I was ready to throw in the towel not just because of this but because of this happening a few times in the past with our marriage. YES, this was not the first time we've had marital issue like this. About 7 years or so back, similarly we had a situation where I found out she was sexting a co-worker. This was at least a month or two going on as she said it started out harmlessly. My daughter was much younger and I may have been done at that point however I had my little girl in mind and we decided to seek marriage counseling. After a month or two of therapy we both found our flaws and worked through them building the relationship. After time things were good and we had been doing well. The determination from therapy was she does not communicate and really never has been good at it. She had a rough upbringing with bad parents that showed no love, just a hostile environment. We have been together since she was 19. I took her away from that and we had never looked back. Now years later, ten approx...first time I found infidelity with us. I found out she was messing with a co worker at her job at the time. As far as I've learn she never has had any intercourse with him just touching and playing. We seeked counseling for that as our first time. No excuses what she did was wrong and I didn't help based on counselors view. I was not paying much attention to her and devoted more time to friend with leisure activities. Because of this first instance I was good with working things to not only fix my issue but to fix us as well. Back to now. This last weekend I again caught her in bedroom on her phone as she was quickly closing as she saw me and started folding laundry. I saw and felt the trigger/red flag but acted normal even though I was biting my tongue. She went about folding laundry an I asked what she was doing prior. She said just thumbing through FB. I said, Ohh, ok. I just kept looking at her as she was folding laundry but didn't say anything. As I stand there for a few more moments and shes busy folding I just muttered out...Open you phone now, I want to see it! She acted a bit surprised and hesitated but handed me her phone without unlocking. I said you need to unlock and she did so. I proceeding to look and saw what apps were open. I saw IG and open it and it was chat window. I saw the first chat line open it and a mans name that I've never heard of before. When I opened it is when the ton of bricks fell on me. I was crush at what I was reading. Everything love of my life that could have been said was there like poems. I scrolled a bit and it was a lot of the same. I quickly stopped and looked at her as she is still folding laundry and said this how you intended to fix us? And I said you know were done now, right?! She sadly glance over as tears were rolling and said yes. I threw her phone down and walked away as she was saying "I was going to end it". I turned and walked back toward her and demanded she open it again. She did. I then said give me 15 mins and walked away to another room to view all messages. As I was walking away she warned me, "You are not going to like what you see"! I said I'll see for myself. As I read most of the hundred of messages that were written were shown as cant wait to be in your arms to eventually nude pics of my wife to him. My heart plummeted. I could believe that this would have ever happened again in my life. I love this woman, she is my life of over 30 years with a great daughter. Aside from all these issue in our marriage timeline we have been super happy together. Always vacationing when we can. Raising our daughter with the highest of standards. Our sex life has and always has never been a problem. In fact I find her just a attractive or more as she has aged. I don't grow tired of her in bed and she shows and says the same. Apparently love is what she feels is missing or doesn't fully understand the meaning of it. I told her life is busy and we arent always going to be able to show love like when we were younger. We have gotten into a routine over 30 years I guess. She has also been on meds for anxiety and depression for quite some time. She doesn't have many friends outside of work or even a true friend. She has no interests or hobbies. She tries to find things to keep her busy but nothing ever sparks her interest. She's tried puzzles but not so much anymore. She does enjoy reading but she will tire or get sleepy after so long. We do enjoy watching shows and movies together but I believe she's feeling she needs more. Right now I am on fence about what to do. 30+ years with this woman who I love and care for and never ever cheated on her as I could imagine even doing so. I don't want to lose her but at the same time I am afraid to keep her.
I desperately need help. I've started to seek counseling for myself so I don't make any bad decisions at this point. I can't see myself throwing 30 years of happy experiences/memories with in our lives and I don't want to make a poor decision.

33 comments posted: Friday, February 3rd, 2023