I don’t know what to do anymore
I had been with my SO for 7 years, we had 4 kids, we have two small children together (5&4) He had an older daughter prior (10) and I had a son (9). It didn’t take me long to fall head over heels with my SO. When we first met I was instantly in love knew right away he was going to be "The one". We spent every minute together happy and indivisible. He always use to make sure I never wanted for anything. I quit my job while pregnant with our eldest daughter to become a stay at home mom at his wish. I only ever wanted to make him happy and at the time we agreed that was what was best for our family. I always had issues with his mother she was so obsessive over his oldest daughter ( she saw herself as her mother due to her real mother not being in the picture) she would sabotage any and everything I did to be close to his daughter to keep her role as "mom" instead of grandmother. Any time I spoke to his daughter about ANYTHING I was made to be the bad guy. Between his mother and him his daughter was never made to be accountable for her actions or behavior and when she would get in trouble I would get the punishment for even speaking on it. This went on for our entire relationship. We moved 2 hours away to start a better life for our kids and away from the problems. Things got better! Before they got worse. The problems with his mom and daughter always started back every time she come to visit. She would always snob and treat my other kids like they were less than their older sister. His daughter would be down right CRULE to her siblings, beat them, pick on them, injure them for a laugh. Jealous anytime any other sibling got the attention she thought she deserved. I finally come to a head with his mother and put my foot down and told her she could not come back to my house I was done! My SO stood by my side about it at first. A few months went by and his daughters attitude did a 180 without her there! Like a totally different child. Made good grades nicer to her siblings no issues at home at all! And I finally had a good relationship with my step daughter. My SO would work out of town 4/5 days a week and I began to notice a change. He was never really a hands on dad. I was a stay at home mom so the house, kids, dogs, cooking, cleaning, everything I handled. He paid the bills. He would come home and go straight to his PlayStation and stay on it till late night early morning hours. He wouldn’t eat dinner with us as a family I would bring him his plate at his game. Usually I didn’t mind because he worked a lot and it was his peace. But when I had to bed him to spend time with me or the kids I felt as if I was forcing him to do what he didn’t want to do and it hurt all of us. Come to find out at thanksgiving he had been cheating on me with a woman I have known for 15 years. Not just any woman, a woman WELL known in my hometown for being with EVERYONE!! A known junky! Just nasty woman with no self respect! She has two daughters of her own. He had abandoned us his family at thanksgiving to be with her and her kids. When I found out I ended it with him and told him I was done. He begged me to stay and told me he ended it with her sent me the screenshots where he did. The next few weeks he had appeared to make a big turn around spending more time with me and the kids being the man I originally fell in love with. Then it stopped. I could feel in my gut he was still entertaining her, he told me I was crazy and just imagining it swearing to me I was the only woman for him he loved only me and wanted to be with me forever. Christmas Day comes we argued the night before I spent all Christmas morning crying to him explaining my feelings and he left. Told me he had to go to work (45 minutes away) to drop off some tools, 6 hours went by before he returned. Our kids cried for him all day wondering when he was coming back. I knew exactly where he went. When he came home I told him I never wanted to see him again. Got a uhaul and started backing he stopped me. Crying hysterically begging me not to go. I didn’t. I know I should have but I was so in love I thought we could fix it. We always fixed everything. Fast forward to New Year’s Eve. The days between Christmas and New Years he was "working" but being very distant again and when you know you know. I ended it again! Text him it was over he needed to get his things and never come back. 4 am in the morning he came home banging on the window begging again, i let him in. At noon the next day he left for work again and told me he would be back that night to spend New Year’s Eve with me because I was where he wanted to be forever. A few hours later he text me that he wasn’t coming back. I got so furious with him and myself. I packed all his things for him and took them to his renatl property he was "working at" and left them in the yard. After Christmas we had sent all 4 kids to the grandparents houses for me to get a break. 2 to my parents 2 to his. Turns out New Year’s Eve he had taken his side piece and her kids to his moms house around his oldest daughter I raised for 7 years who calls me MOM the only one she has ever known and our youngest daughter. I had to hear about it from my 4 year old daughters mouth how her daddy was kissing her and telling my kids he was going to marry her all while we were still together. I have never felt more betrayed in my life! When he learned I kicked him out while I was picking up my daughter from his mothers house two hours away he drove back to our house with a uhaul and packed all my belongings into it. I left that night! Me and my 3 kids! He wouldn’t allow me to take anything that belonged to the kids they had to leave with only the clothes on their backs. The day after we left he moved in his side chick and her two kids. (He had only been talking to her according to them both 2 1/2 months!) his daughter has posted videos of her kids wearing my kids clothes, playing with their toys, jumping on their beds! The level of disrespect is unreal!! I never could have imagined he would have ever been this way!! I feel completely blindsided and betrayed. My kids are so heartbroken to have been kicked out the only home they have ever known abandoning their school friends pets and belongings to start over from nothing! He took the house, car, money everything! And because we were never married it was all in his name I was screwed. He was paying for my phone and my sons phone. In the 2 weeks after we left he had cut or phones off and back on 4 times! When I ignored him he cut them off, if I responded to him with the truth he didn’t want to hear he cut it off! My son which he has raised since he was 2 (9 now) wants nothing more to do with him! Hates him! And our two daughters together don’t know much other than they can’t go back. They don’t seem to miss him much considering he was never really present to begin with. They love their dad and their too young to be told what really happened. It’s been almost a month now and he has only come to visit them once! And once a week he will text my sons phone (he only turned his back on not mine) once a week to try to get my son to let him talk to his daughters and I refuse! My son is not the parent! He has not given any support for his daughters since we left. I have gotten a job, my own car, and another phone which he can not disconnect. Trying to rebuild a life for my kids and me. All while trying to heal myself! I cry everyday wondering where we went wrong or what I did to deserve what he has done to me after 7 years together. Two rings and two kids later. When we do speak he is down right NASTY to me! Insults me every two seconds. I’m a fat big nose lazy pos monkey who never did a thing for him. I try to wrap my head around where his anger toward me comes from when he was the one cheating and still being hurtful and disrespectful toward ME! I always imagined if we ever split we would be the couple that loved each other enough to stay friends and coparent the best way possible. But we can’t stand each other anymore. It breaks my heart everyday thinking how everything turned out and watching my kids have to adjust to everything that was forced on them: I know being together for so long it’s going to take time to be able to let go, but I can’t figure out how he was able to let go so quick and seems so unaffected by everything , I pray from him every night. Not that he comes back to me but that he is Genuinely happy. I never wanted anything less for him. I wish he had thought about my happiness more. I don’t believe cheaters ever think about how they really destroy the people who love them the most. And even though he has shattered my heart into a million little pieces every piece of me still loves him. How do I let that love go? How do I get myself to move on? How do I handle coparenting with him? He doesn’t even try to talk to them.
17 comments posted: Sunday, January 29th, 2023
