Needing Some Help, My Wife Cheated

Just discovered this website and so thankful it exists. Not sure where to start but I'll start from the beginning. I just need to know if what my wife says is true.

Seven months ago my wife (27 yrs) and I (31 yrs) worked at the same job and my boss hired his troubled nephew to work there also. I didn't like this guy from the start and after some time, my wife all of a sudden tells me they have a "brother and sister" kind of relationship. I didn't even know how that is possible unless they were spending more time together than I knew about. I then tell her I didn't want her talking with him and she agreed. Shortly after I quit and go elsewhere for work.

Fast forward and my wife is getting home later, immediately showers when she got home and acting very off. I knew something was going on. Then one night she says she's going out and I told her I didn't like that and that I was tired off her going out and leaving me and my five-year-old son at home. She tells me she is going out and she is going to enjoy her evening. I go to sleep but wake up at 0130 and she is still not home. I finally had enough because I knew something was up and I texted her saying I wanted a divorce (maybe overreacted but was tired and fed up)

She texts, not calls back, saying "what because I go out with friends"? You would think if your spouse said they wanted a divorce you would call them. She said she was at a friends and didn't want to come home but she came home and reeked of alcohol. I asked her who she was with and why she wouldn't come home and she said because she didn't want to put up with me about saying how I don't like her out drinking. She passes out because she is so wasted. I was planning on sleeping on the couch and she was in bed. I go in to talk with her but she's out so I grab her phone and see that she made to outgoing calls to this co-worker around 0130. I immediately wake her up and ask her why she would call him. I get the whole "I didn't call him" and "I don't remember that". Seriously, its right there in her call log. I also noticed her Snapchat was deleted and asked her why and she says "I don't know". She keeps denying it all so I leave the house and have her phone with me. I re-download Snapchat and it logged in automatically. I see that she had a group chat with others from work and this co-worker was in there and also tagged as a favorite. My wife had two videos of him on her page but their text thread was deleted.

So I go back home and wake her up and ask her, did you cheat on me, she says yes, I ask with who, she says with this co-worker. I can't believe I had the strength to do this but I said I was willing to work this out if she 1) quit her job and 2) cut all ties with people from work because they are horrible people. She sits there for what seemed like forever and doesn't give me an answer so I leave.

I don't remember at what point, because I hadn't slept in four days, we had this conversation but...

She tells me that one day he approaches her and said he had feelings for her and she responded by saying she had feelings for him and he kisses her and she kisses back. She then says she pushed him away saying this is wrong we can't do this. She claims she cut off all communication with him for two weeks until they understood they could only be "friends".

With that being said, she also admits to all of this: She liked the attention he gave her, compliments, liked her ideas, funny, etc.

Pre-kiss: It was her idea to talk with him via Snapchat even though she knew I didn't want her talking with him. She would delete the app before coming home and redownload it when back at work. She would go out to the bars with this co-worker but always said it wasn't just with him, it was with her other co-workers as well. She admits to talking about personal stuff with him and he would tell her she needed to divorce me. She would send selfies of herself to him via snapchat. She even, on my birthday, had me, my wife and this co-worker go to a bar. I didn't want to seem like an A-hole so I went. All the while by this time they were secretly chatting via Snapchat. Even brought me golfing with him during their secret chatting. She admitted to picturing herself in a relationship with him and had feelings for him and so forth.

Post kiss: She says nothing physical happened after kissing him She says she kept talking to him so that she didn't want to make work awkward and that she enjoyed his friendship. She goes out to two trade shows out of town and I didn't know at the time but I guess this co-worker went as well and was at the same hotel. She claims nothing happened. She continued going to the bars with this co-worker there. Went bowling with him and others. So on and so forth.

I asked her if she would have ever told me she kisses someone else and she says no. She said she hated herself for kissing him but yet continued talking with him. She insists that nothing else happened other than talking with him and kissing him. Oh I forgot to mention the day I found out she cheated on me, she yells in my face that he was her best friend when she has never called me her best friend. She said I lacked giving her my time and attention which lead her to find it elsewhere. I agree to a degree but I did more than she leads others to believe.

Here is my question, I can probably get over the emotional affair and I can get over the kiss because throwing away seven years of marriage and having a five-year-old isn't worth it, but in everyone's personal opinion, can't I trust her that she didn't sleep with this individual?

It's been over a month since I found out, we are trying to work things out and she is working on herself, but here is the catch, she is pregnant and we have been trying for five years. She said the kiss happened months ago and they never did anything ever since. I have had my hard days where I say I can't do this and need to split apart and she does everything she can to prevent that. So is it possible she did not sleep with him? She keeps telling me no but I just can't believe her and its eating at me all day everyday because she had every opportunity but she says she would never cross that line (even though she crosses every other line).

Has anyone else had an EA with a kiss and that be all? Is that even possible?

Note: she also tells me she never stopped loving me and I was still important to her and she was so thirsty for my time and attention she would stoop so low to cheat on me with this guy but tells me she enjoyed his friendship and wanted nothing physical. Not sure if that makes a difference.

Edit, I brought up the polygraph deal and she was incredible hesitant. After a dozen times of asking why, she said “because I did” and I said did what? Apparently she gave him a hand job and she says that’s all. I say ok let’s take the polygraph to make sure and she seems much more willing. Do I take her at her word and believe that’s all? I honestly feel so sick right now. But I figure if that’s it why hide anything else. She said she did it because she wanted to feel needed and wanted. She admits she was basically used.

Edit 2: after I said I set up a polygraph test (which was false, we don’t even have one in town) she admitted everything up to the point of walking out the door to this fake appointment. Kissed, hand job and sex multiple times. For anyone else going through this, she really did do everything they say a cheater does. But now for the tough decision, I’m going to get hate for this but oh well, seeing as I am a Christian, I am called to love my wife the same way Christ loves us. Therefore I am choosing to stay and work it out for the sake of the house we built, our marriage and importantly our five year old son. Believe me, I’m completely broken but my family is more important than my feelings. Who knows if she has changed. I don’t know, but she admitted the worst and therefore I can start to believe what she says. Side note, I don’t know if the baby is mine yet or not, but if it’s not, I will raise that child as if it were my own because that child is innocent and that POS doesn’t deserve to have that child. Those that think this is a terrible mistake, just ask yourself, are YOU worth fighting for? Are YOU worth it? If you think yes, than my wife is worth it. We are not defined by our mistakes. I’ve certainly made plenty of those. Again, I’m in terrible pain, hurt and completely numb. I know this won’t be easy but those who hope in the Lord will not be disappointed.

66 comments posted: Saturday, January 28th, 2023