1st anniversary of d-day

What did you do on the 1st anniversary of d-day? My d-day is in 3 weeks…..right before xmas (OW reached out to me). Great timing, right? I really don’t know how I got through xmas last year. I was in shock, I guess that’s how I muddled through it. I have been feeling strong the last couple of months, but since Thanksgiving I feel like there’s a huge weight on me. I feel defeated. I know it’s because d-day is coming up.

1 comment posted: Tuesday, November 28th, 2023

Living arrangement

Has anyone explored a living arrangement where each person does their own thing (dating wise), and you live like room mates? Our strength is co-parenting our newly-turned-teens. Kids have no idea about our struggles. We are trying to make it work but it’s not working for me. I’ll never trust him again but I don’t want to D for several reasons. Wondering if people ever live this way for the sake of the kids.

5 comments posted: Sunday, November 26th, 2023

How do I stop living in the past?

It’s been 5 months and I thought I was making some progress. WH is doing the work and I was feeling hopeful we could work things out. All of a sudden I cannot stop living in the past. I think about all the ways WH failed me during our marriage. His A has brought up feelings I had buried. I can’t seem to move forward. I’m sad and upset all the time. It’s like I have regressed. What if I never get over this? Does it mean we are definitely headed for divorce?

17 comments posted: Friday, May 19th, 2023

How do I get out of this mentality?

I don’t consider myself super attractive; however, I have always had a healthy self esteem. I was never vain and was not jealous of others’ looks. All that has gone to shit since DDay 4 months ago. Now, every time I see a 20-something I just hate myself and I hate the way I look. I’m in my 40s so I know I shouldn’t be comparing myself to 20-something’s. It’s totally stupid. But every 20-something I see reminds me of what WH did to me. How do I get past this?

3 comments posted: Monday, April 3rd, 2023

WS doesn’t feel empathy

Now that everything has come to a head I realize that WH doesn’t really show much empathy. I guess I never saw it until now. I know, shame on me. I believe WH when he says he is very sorry and wants to reconcile. But he lacks empathy. I don’t think he truly understands my emotional state, even though I have tried to explain it. How does one deal with this?

11 comments posted: Tuesday, February 21st, 2023

Searching for a past post on Empathy

I believe there was a post somewhere on this site about empathy. It would have been in the last few weeks (I joined only recently). I scrolled past it back then but now I want to go back and read it. Tried looking but can't find it. Since there is no search function, I'm hoping someone can post a link if you happen to know where it's located. Thanks!!!

1 comment posted: Friday, February 10th, 2023

Book - Cheating in a Nutshell

I’m a third of the way through the above mentioned book. It’s my first book on the topic. It’s on point with all the emotions I feel, but its message seems to be "divorce is the only solution". And, maybe the book is right about that.. I’m not there yet. Are there other more balanced books out there worth reading?

36 comments posted: Friday, February 3rd, 2023

As a BS, do you wish you had had your own affairs?

I know it’s a silly question, but for years I was serious about my vows. Even when we were dating I never cheated. Now that WH has been exposed I can’t help but feel that if I had cheated when I had chances, this pain wouldn’t be so bad.

73 comments posted: Sunday, January 29th, 2023

Obsessed with knowing the details

I want to know all the details of WH’s sexual encounters. There were 2 women that he used as booty calls. Sexted with one of them. They were both half my age. I’m obsessed with the details and want to know everything. Is this a bad idea?

21 comments posted: Wednesday, January 18th, 2023

Too soon to post in this group?

First time posting. Feels like everyone starts off on the Just Found Out page, but I'm starting here. I found out about my husband's indiscretions 3 weeks ago. The details may or may not matter to you. He feels terrible and wants to make our marriage work. Married 20+ years with teens at home. I want to make it work, too, but I am confused. I have good days and bad days. He's bending over backwards to show me that he is serious about wanting to make it work. He says I don't have to make any decisions now. He will understand if I leave, but he doesn't want me to leave. After several years of bad sex, we have had some amazing sex in the last 3 weeks. For those that reconciled, what made you decide that you wanted to stay and fix the marriage?

13 comments posted: Tuesday, January 10th, 2023