How do I confront?

A bit of backstory to understand how I got to here. It’s a long read but hopefully you all will understand.

Some background: This is my second marriage his first. He was engaged twice before me. We were together a few years before he proposed to me in 2012. Things were great until my dad’s cancer came back, followed by his mom getting diagnosed with the same in 2013. (bladder). We had to move the wedding a couple of times due to treatments, when we finally said our I do’s in late 2014, my father was unable to attend. (it was a destination wedding) I was devastated. Less than a month later, he passed. It was rough those few years after that. It took me a while but I finally got counseling. His mother survived her surgery and treatment. They said it was gone only for it to come back. (I think she always had it). Our sex life was nonexistent. I tried and tried to no avail. He always blamed it on something.

Fast forward to Summer 2019 and I get my own devastating news. I was having headaches. I went for an MRI... Brain tumor. I'm scheduled to have surgery. I survived, obviously, to only find out it was brain cancer. Chemo, Radiation, followed at the end of the year. I was good until I needed a biopsy in summer 2021 I'm still considered stable, but it can come back at any time. My husband was a saint through it all. Oddly enough I didn't get into a deep depression until I had to have the biopsy. I didn't want to do anything. I slept a lot after work. While this was going on his mom was getting worse. He was flying down or driving. There were also issues with his family that belong on another thread, but non the less added to the stress. Sept 2021 he has a breakdown after seeing a therapist, tells me he can't watch me wait to die. He’s crying when he talks to me. He said he needed to set boundaries with me and his family. That it wasn't my fault because he never said anything to me. (I've yet to know what those are). Said that if he needs to just support me as a friend, (I can’t remember what he said after that because it wasn’t registering after that) Well, that was my wake-up call. I got my shit together and started doing more around the house and being more active. I’ve even lost a few pounds from treatment. I thought we were moving in the right direction.

At the end of September his mother passed. It was an odd time. No funeral or anything. His stepdad said we’d do a celebration of life ceremony. (Hasn’t happened) He has yet to go back to therapy, (some bullshit about insurance) We did couples counseling once, which I’ve recently asked if we could go back, he says "maybe". What the eff, maybe.

Which leads me to this... If you are still here I commend your patience. (My brain is all over the place and it’s worse when I’m stressed). I am the account holder for our cell phone bill. I have no idea what made me look, but I did. What I saw was dozens and dozens of calls back and forth to one particular number. Some short some long, some multiple times a day. The longest was 136 minutes. It's always when I'm at work or out. I also think he visited her last month instead of seeing his friend. I know who it is, it's a long ago ex gf who is recently divorced. (I did a reverse look up and used her number to get all of her info). This was all March 2022.

Fast forward, July he said he was going to Orlando, I found out via the phone he was in Tennessee to see her.

He got a job and a work phone so I’ve lost all hopes of getting tangible info until November 12, 2022—something told me to go look at his work phone. And I did. Finally it was there. I didn’t even have to dig for it! The kicker, the name is under the AP’s sons name not even hers!!! You could see how intimate they were. Emotional Affair, phone sex, etc,. I was devastated. It’s taken me this long to get the courage because with my brain cancer it makes everything that much more difficult to deal with! My brain shuts down. But it’s now a couple of days after Christmas and I can’t go on much longer. How do I confront?? I know I need to do it soon, but I’m terrified!!

I know they communicate in some form, daily.

Thanks for listening.

S.

9 comments posted: Thursday, December 29th, 2022