Newest Member: onthefence2024

redheadbookworm

What to do with knowledge the former AP is cheating

I’ll give some brief background info and then the current issue I’m dealing with. I’m the WS, husband is the BS. I had a 6 month period in 2020 when I had three APs. Only one did I know in real life prior to the affair (former HS classmate). He said all the right things, I was weak and made terrible choices. He broke it off but it became on/off again. I found another person (through a site) then another (through another site). The last AP was the one that caused D-Day. Emotions were involved but he broke it off out of guilt, said he was done cheating. I came clean to my husband, confessed everything in much detail over 24 hours, got into MC and IC within a week. We spent 18 months doing all the work, reconciled, are now in a great place. We’ve dealt with repeated breaches of NC from all the APs, most via email, we had to threaten all of them to stop, including cease and desist with two. I’ve had login attempts on all my social media and other accounts for over two years. It seems like cyberstalking, but the past 2-3 months it’s finally seeming to be over.

What I’m struggling with has been keeping tabs on two of the APs, namely just the last AP. Part of the reason was trying to figure out who was harassing me. I stayed strong for about 6 months then checked the site where I’d responded to his ad. Despite him telling me he was never cheating again due to guilt, he had a new screen name with a new ad asking for an AP. I have proof it’s him (same clearly identifiable photo, stats, etc) and some days I REALLY want to tell his wife. She’s a stranger to me. I have her contact info only because I blocked everyone everywhere. But I get blind anger at the fact this person is still cheating.

I know it’s coming from me taking it personally, that it was a lie why he stopped and maybe I was too ugly to be his AP. I’ve read enough to know that serial cheaters just cheat. I also didn’t want to leave but deep down had harbored some fantasy about ending up together and having a perfect life. So I get angry and scheme how I could anonymously send his ads to his wife. I don’t know how to handle it other than ignore it and I can’t seem to do that. I’ve admitted to my husband when I’ve looked because it triggers me out and he can tell something is wrong.

I just don’t know how to handle the knowledge this former AP is cheating, but I’m convinced all of them just cheat until they’re found out or get an STD.

8 comments posted: Sunday, December 11th, 2022

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