Newest Member: BallofAnxiety

AlexE

We both cheated and rebuilding our marriage.

Apologise for another post, but I want to unload and get your feedback.
We been married for 23 years, dated for 4 yrs + 3 Teens.
I met my wife at the age of 22 and fell in love within 30 seconds, I knew I found my soulmate. We were (and still are) a good looking couple that turs heads when we are in public.
For 20 years I have been loyal, a great father and turned away dozens of women, even models(worked in the advertisement industry).
Our sex was fantastic and we overcame hardships including a nearly fatal illness of a child, we made a dreamlife with a lot of hard work.
In my mid 40s I started hanging out with friends that cheated on their spouses and convinced me that "you only live once".
So I convinced my self that I earned an affair, I even have a right to it!! So I cheated and felt horrible but kept doing it.
After several months I felt disgusted and cut ties with everyone in that circle. I fell into self hate, guilt and eventually deep depression. I felt as if there is a different being living inside me. I stopped having ay feeling towards anyone, pushed my wife away, ignored her, and we she had stress related metal breakdown (due to her work), I wasn't there for her at all.
With time, my wife started getting friendly with a divorced colleague, hiding her phone and classic cheating signals. I knew what was going on and the other entity that controlled me, was happy that she will finally leave, I was so addicted to sorrow and self misery that I did nothing to end her affair. My wife asked me if her closeness to him bothers me? Even offered to break all ties with him, I couldn't care less.
Fast fw to Mid September. I got the news that a close childhood friend died suddenly, leaving 4 children fatherless. Years of pent emotions erupted and I started to feel like my self again. Then as if in a movie, my brain made vide clip for me for what must have happened between my wife and her colleague. I took her phone one night and it all was there. She had a 3 months affair and eventually slept with him before breaking it off. I went fully to PTSD mode, couldn't focus and was going through rage and an emotional roller coaster for over a moth. I decided to forgive my her ad didn't hide any details and confessed. Few days after the discovery I confessed to my infidelity and the reasons I drove her away.
Today we are both in individual therapy and will start couple therapy soon. We are deeply in love, we communicate better than ever before, our sex incredible (daily), but we are still deeply hurting. I still go through anger and rage periods, and she goes through self hate and guilt, which prevent her from feeling happy. We are there for each other and started going out on dates, making out in clubs and feeling young again. It was a heavy and a needless price we both paid to discover and love each other again, and I know we will be OK.

7 comments posted: Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

We both cheated and rebuilding our marriage. (moved to General)

  This Topic has been moved to General

0 comment posted: Tuesday, November 22nd, 2022

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