Found out on our wedding anniversary
Yesterday was our 1 year wedding anniversary. I was out of town at "parent weekend" at my son’s college. My WH texted asking when I would be home to let the dog out, as he had left for a 4-day work trip in the morning. I said my plane would land at 5:30pm, and he asked if anyone could go by sooner since he was worried that the dog would need to go out. I pulled up our driveway camera footage on my phone to see if my other son had already been home or not, and noticed that all the cameras had been rebooted and footage was missing for most of the morning and night. I scrolled back to what was the most recent, and found a video of my WH and this OP walking out our front door at 11:30 at night, drinks in hand, to walk our dogs. 15 minutes later there is another video of them coming back, with him having gotten the mail and telling her to just push on the door since the knob doesn’t turn. They went inside and locked the door.
Those videos were 1130 at night. Our anniversary started at midnight. I sent him the clip of security camera video and said I thought this was mine: our home, our evening ritual of having dinner together and walking the dogs with a cocktail in hand and talking about our day. He wrote back "fuck baby" and "let’s talk when I get home" and "I love you." Later he sent me more texts along the same lines, also including I am kind of glad you found out and I’m sure you’re glad too because you’ve been wondering and it’s been dragging our relationship down. Like, me being suspicious of what he was actually doing was the important piece, not what he was actually doing. I said let’s talk when we’re in person. He said it’s not as bad as it looks, and he would bet his whole retirement that I think it’s worse than it is – what it looks like is that he gave this woman our evening routine. Making dinner, snuggling on the couch , making a cocktail, taking our dogs for a walk to get our mail. That is the centerpiece of our relationship and we just talked about it Friday night at our anniversary dinner; how precious the companionship of these evenings is to us. (When I got home I found a piece of filet mignon and a salad and a half~eaten jar of salsa in the fridge. My tongs and spatula were put away in the wrong drawer. He must have cooked dinner for her in my kitchen, and carefully washed all the dishes except for my dirty coffee mug I had left in the sink before my trip.) He also said he was ready to "bare it all" and hopes I would believe him and that this wouldn’t be the end. AND, late at night I pulled up the camera footage and he had deleted both of the OP videos (which I’d already seen -weird) so I don’t believe his claim that he’s "now" ready to be transparent. I am in shock.
He will be home on Thursday. In the meantime I have thrown out our bedding, our cocktail glasses, my Yeti mug that she was carrying, our dogs leashes and collars, our orange peeler that we used to make those cocktails, and the throw pillows on the couch that we used to curl up and lean on. I threw out the high-heeled shoes and lingerie I wear just for him. I feel blessed to have a very dear and empathetic friend I went out for dinner with when I got home last night, who listened to everything, helped me stay calm and breathe, and is supportive of me whatever happens from here. I’m going to go see my counselor this afternoon, because I really find that I really don’t know what I want. I thought I wanted this. I want this house, love this man, I want him. I don’t want this. I don’t know how I could live thinking about this in the future. I want to hear the story when he gets back, because from where I’m sitting, it looks like this woman materialized into my house at 11:30 at night and he gave her all my things. My space, my dogs, my drink, my companion. My walk. My mail. I’m throwing everything away.
Trying not to freak out! I’m going to go buy new collars, leashes, and expensive bedding on our joint credit card today and try to process the shock and deep disappointment to find out how I feel and what I want for the rest of my life. I’m trying not to send that security video clip to anyone but my counselor. My insides feel hollowed out. I can’t focus on work. I am tempted to throw out our wedding album and pictures too (which by the way were all over the house that my cheating lying WH brought this other woman to) but a remote part of my destroyed mind registers that I might possibly regret that. I have to figure out how to move through the next few days. Any suggestions are welcome.
80 comments posted: Thursday, October 20th, 2022
