It’s time……p
Hello friends, I’m hoping some of you sage warriors on here can give me some advice. Please forgive me, because this will be LONG……
3 and a half years ago, I caught my husband with his hand up the skirt of a woman who was supposed to be my friend. At my dinner table. In my house. We were all 4 (her husband included!) of us sat around the table and I just thought….where is his hand? And I looked and….yep, up her skirt. Right in front of me.
I cannot begin to tell you how shocked I was. She is 20 years my senior, not a very nice person (husband and I had had MANY chats about how bitchy she was and how jealous she seemed to be of me - oh the fucking irony!) not attractive at all and obsessed with money. In hindsight I cannot believe I ever entertained her, but they had been clients of our business, I’m a massive people pleaser and I felt an obligation.
So, the shit hit the fan in a MASSIVE way. After they left, I went bananas, he was drunk, he went to bed. I honestly spent the night feeling suicidal. The next morning, I woke him up and he told me that this "groping" had been going on for 3 months. We alternated dinner at each others houses every week and all the weeks at her house, the seating arrangement meant he could grope her whilst we were all sat having dinner. I was floored. Literally floored, I didn’t know WHAT to do or what had been going on. So I insisted that he phone her and tell her I knew. Well, she then told us both that her husband knew about the "groping" (I cannot for one minute understand why anyone would accept this) but honestly, my stupid dick of a husband was distressed and I do believe it’s true….somehow HER husband knew what was going on. But MY husband (pathetic twat) didn’t know he knew?
Long story short, it’s been a disaster and I have NOT dealt with it well. We kept seeing them for a while (I know, I know, and that is on me and my people pleasing ways. Idiot husband wanted to cut them off immediately)
I won’t bore you with the details, but we cut them off after a few months but then he trickle truthed me to death.
This culminated in my insisting on a polygraph. Absolutely NOT the norm in the uk but I know him better than I know myself and yep….polygraph showed he was lying.. he then confessed to a further minor incident with her.
And that is where we are. My husband has looked me in the eye and lied to me for the last 3.5 years (all the while under going therapy and swearing he was a changed man and was telling the truth)
He now appears baffled that I don’t believe a word he says and I have no idea whether any of the last 20 years of my life have been true. Oh, and he’s refusing to do another polygraph.
There are no children involved (well….he has a now adult daughter who I love like my own and she will be very disappointed in him) I am financially independent and, as I’m typing this now, I can’t believe I’m still here.
But I loved him, I really, truly, heartfelt loved him. I’m a fool. He is refusing to take any further polygraphs because apparently I need to "understand how awful that was for him". And just believe him moving forward?
Also, according to him "other people" (I must confess, I don’t actually know who those people are) would get over this because "I didn’t shag her". He can’t quite understand that, due to his massive amount of lies, I don’t KNOW that.
He has massive FOO issues, which he is working through with a therapist, but I have my own issues (massive neglect which he KNEW about) and actually, for once in my life, I’d just like someone to care for me.
I’m posting this because I’m just…..done. 33 years ago I had a big birthday which both my parents forgot because they were too caught up in new relationships. I SWORE to myself at 13 that no one would make me feel like this ever again. But. Here I am. Thank you for reading if you got to the end!
8 comments posted: Tuesday, July 2nd, 2024
