Newest Member: Crushedafter46years


lies and his second face are so much worse than infidelity ....advice needed

Here's my situation: 10 weeks after D-Day, 17 years of marriage, getting help thru counseling and medications. Reconciliation is not an option for me. I'm moving out in a few weeks with my 20 month old baby.

I find that lies that he keeps telling me are so much worse than actual infidelity. Telling me three different versions of the same incident, being angry with me for wanting to know the truth for my own sanity, telling me that he says things to satisfy me in the moment, but they never really happened (even though I have proof that they did). This is all confusing and so damaging to my mind and myself. But I just can't stop pursuing the truth. I'd like to get confirmed that the man I spend 20 years with is not a complete monster. People make mistakes and they cheat, I can somehow make peace with that, but why does he keep hiding his true face even though he was already exposed?

I'm incredibly scared and anxious knowing that I have to coparent with this person. If he is so manipulative towards me, how can I trust him to raise our child to be a decent human being? It is so unfair that I have to share 50% of child custody and 50% of all our assets with him. He didn't care about me and our baby when he decided to have secret sexual encounters with prostitutes or to talk to other women. He doesn't care that revealing the whole truth to me would be beneficial to my mental health and would help me to move on and start my healing process. My life has been shattered, I was lied to and now I have to deal with betrayal trauma for a very long time. On top of this, I'm terrified that my baby will be around a monster and a liar 50% of a time.

How can I deal with this?
Any advice and podcast or book recommendations would be appreciated.

5 comments posted: Tuesday, September 6th, 2022

still in shock and need help

Newbie here...

Married for 17 years, 8 of which I was lied to. One child/baby, who is 20 months old. D-day was over 6 weeks ago and since then I've been on antidepressant, anxiety meds and I've been getting help by going to therapy once a week. Plan is to move out with the baby, get a job and try to take care of myself. The inconsistencies in his stories, blame shifting and desperate attempts to make me forgive and move on, just motivate me more to get out of this asap.

It hurts so bad, that I would rather be in physical pain. When will it get better? When will the pain ease? When will my brain comprehend that the person I loved and trusted, that the father of my baby and my best friend, is the same person that caused the worst pain in my life?

Please give me some hope that it gets better with time. Send some advices, if you have any.

16 comments posted: Monday, August 15th, 2022

Cookies on®® uses cookies to enhance your visit to our website. This is a requirement for participants to login, post and use other features. Visitors may opt out, but the website will be less functional for you.

v.1.001.20221122 2002-2022® All Rights Reserved. • Privacy Policy