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StayorGo84

Urge to Contact AP

My husband has had 4 affairs that I know of in our 12 year marriage. All of the AP's have been co-workers/his employee or a friend of co-worker. The first was during our 1st year of marriage, and we had a small infant when I found out. The only reason I found out was because he was fired from his job after the AP reported him to human resources for sexual harrassement. We stayed together with very little effort on his part to repair the marriage. Several years later, same situation. He was messing around with one of his employees, he didn't give her a promotion that she wanted, so she went to HR and he was forced to resign from that job. During the time that he was fessing up to these indiscretions, he admitted to a previous affair I didn't know about. We tried marriage counseling, but I feel he hasn't put forth the effort that he needs to in order to begin repairing this. The 4th affair happened a year ago. He was sexting with one of his employees best friends. He saw this girl coming into see her friend and asked for her phone #. They began texting and at the end of the day he would delete all evidence off of his phone. He texted with her on our family vacation and the most hurtful thing I found out by phone records was that while I was undergoing a surgery and he was in the waiting room, he was texting her. I only found about this girl because I grabbed his smart watch one night while he was in the shower and looked at his text messages. He had deleted the texts off of his phone, but for some reason they didn't delete off his watch that day and I saw all of the inappropriate texting that had done back and forth that day. I was so ready to walk out that door, but I'm so scared to hurt our 2 girls. They would be devastated if we divorced. WHY AM I SO WEAK!!

We are in marriage counseling and he "says" he has told me everything, but I have this VERY strong urge to reach out to these females on social media to see what else he is hiding. I am able to find there facebook accounts and privately message them, but I have held back so far.

Has anyone else found it beneficial to reach out to the AP's or should I refrain from doing so? I so badly want to find out if he's hiding details.

13 comments posted: Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022

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