My story is really different — pls help
I am 46 years old with two teenage sons and a teenage daughter. My husband is very wealthy. We married when I was 18 — he is 10 years older. He worked with my father and basically selected me as good wife material. I am not trying to brag, but I am very attractive - I’m sure that was the cause of his interest.
Since we married, my husband has handled everything. I did go to school — that was important to me — and I am a physician. I only work a few hours a day, but he lets me do that so I feel productive and don’t get bored. I’m not unintelligent, but I have never really had to do anything for myself. I have a driver, I don’t drive. My husband selects my clothing and what food I eat and how I work out. Most of what I do is focused on maintaining my appearance. We have 10 full time staff but I do see my kids a lot. I know it is a different life than most have, but I was honestly ok with it.
Well, 2 weeks ago I met my husband’s 2 year old daughter by another woman. The woman brought her daughter to my work (she scheduled an appointment) and told me that she is my husband’s child. She said he refused a paternity test and said if she keeps pushing for one he’ll take her daughter away from her. He is making it hard for her to get a job and she needs money for the child. My husband is not supporting her and she is destitute. She has no money for a lawyer and we both know my husband has connections everywhere so a lawyer might not even help.
I have never actually thought about my husband cheating, and this encounter shook me so much I went straight home. I asked my husband about it and he was furious at her, said she was a skank and a whore and that he told her that her life would be hell if she kept the child. He hugged me and told me that he was so sorry that I was exposed to such nastiness and that he will make sure that I never see her or that child again. I asked him if the child was his and he just told me that I don’t need to worry about it and that he will take care of it. I asked him if he cheats on me and he told me that everything is fine and he loves me and I don’t need to worry.
I was upset and called my mom and told her that I am worried that my husband has cheated. She laughed and said of course he cheats, all men in his position cheat. She and my dad were unhappy that he has another child, but they said that he will make it all go away and that I am fine and not to worry.
So I guess this is just my life. I do think my husband loves me — he is upset that I am upset, but he just blames her. I know that is wrong. I am angry but I feel badly for her too. It seems like he is ruining her life in retaliation for her not having an abortion. I mentioned that he should stand by his child and he said that he has no patience for bastards.
I have no access to money besides through him. I can’t drive, cook, deal with money … I don’t even have any friends that aren’t mainly his friends. I feel totally stuck.
My life revolves around this man. I had seven surgeries after I had the kids to repair my body. I have at least one cosmetic procedure a week, work out 2 hours a day, do anything he wants in bed and proactively research how to keep our sex life hot … and it is!! I had the kids he asked for, even got the genders he wanted! Why does he need other women? The could be a lot of them!
He won’t tell me anything. He is worried at least a little — he got me a new puppy and installed tracking software on my phone so I "don’t try anything stupid". This morning I tried to put on much sexier clothing than what he had put out for me for work - I thought that I could get some attention at work and I would feel better. The driver called him when he saw what I was wearing and we went to his office so he could explain to me that he knows I am hurt, but that I am naive and innocent and if I go and make myself seem available men will take advantage of me, and I am his.
I don’t know what I am asking. I am so mad and hurt that I want to divorce but I don’t think I can. I want to know what I did wrong. I have obsessively read this forum and I wish I was in anyone else’s situation. I let other people plan my life and now I am stuck as a pretty trophy who’s husband does whatever he wants while I get whatever scraps he wants to give me. I am smart academically but I failed myself.
Does anyone have any advice for me? Is there any way that I can make him only want me?
30 comments posted: Friday, April 8th, 2022