I met AP today!
So, last night, I sent WH a message saying "I love you. Good night." He wrote back that he loved me, good night. He had told me he was going to a friend’s house, and when I said "well, be safe if you aren’t going to his house." He said, "I’m going over there. I have no reason to lie."
Weeeeellll, today I got a message on Facebook from AP asking if we could talk. I was like, wtf does she have to talk to me about? Well, I couldn’t get a hold of WH all day, which was unusual (he had planned to come over and mow the lawn). So, he eventually texted me and was giving me limited info., so I said I was coming over. He asked me not to. I asked why, and blah blah blah, he said she was going to be coming there. He said that she had seen the text from him telling me he loved me. She wasn’t happy.
She texted me that we should talk as a group. So we all met at the place WH is staying. Well, it turns out that he was lying to both me and AP! He had told her that we were over and totally done. He lied to HER about where he was when he was with ME. The same way he lied to ME when he was with HER. We had been meeting and cuddling and making out. We told each other we loved each other. I thought I was just being with my husband. She saw it that he was lying to her the whole time. She was so pissed at him. She dumped his ass! She apologized to me several times. She didn’t know that we had gone to marriage counseling to try to work through some our issues (before I knew it wasn’t over between WH and AP), and she didn’t know that we are nowhere near divorced.
AP and I are now friends on FB. I can’t believe it.
She’s actually nice.
12 comments posted: Saturday, May 21st, 2022
I guess it’s over
So I was doing the 180, and then WH and I got to talking and we started having dates, just spending a couple hours together watching a tv show and hanging out. It’s been good and we have enjoyed each other’s time.
Yesterday, I couldn’t get a hold of him, so I drove to where he is staying, and…him and AP were hanging out. We talked and talked, and I told him to end it with her, or get a divorce. He chose divorce and he is firm in his decision.
I really thought things were improving. I can’t help but blame myself, "maybe if I didn’t move out for 2 weeks, we wouldn’t be here," "maybe if I didn’t kick him out, we would have spent more time together and wouldn’t have drifted apart," "maybe if I didn’t give him an ultimatum…"
We used to be so connected, and now it’s just gone. I’m so sad. I don’t even know what I’m supposed to do. We have to divide our assets and we agree that we just want to get it done and not get ugly. I don’t know wtf I’m doing though. Can a mediator help us navigate through this process of dividing our assets?
I guess I’m just looking for someone to tell me that he sucks and I’ll be okay.
37 comments posted: Tuesday, May 17th, 2022
Help me stay NC
I have been NC with WH for about 32 hours. I think this is the longest we have ever gone without talking. Please send reminders of why this is good! I have been successful with not texting him, and I want to stay that way. I must admit though; I keep hoping I’ll see his name pop up on my screen…
I think I feel better mentally than if I had been texting with him…I shall not text! I got this!
54 comments posted: Monday, April 25th, 2022
I’m a fool
WH is with his AP as we speak. Motherf’er.
We’re separated and he came over last night so we could do our taxes. We were working toward reconciliation until I found out he was still in communication with his AP. I kicked him out a week ago and told him he has to cut all contact with her before he could be with me.
He’s been telling me that he’s distancing himself. He swore last night that he would be home all weekend and not with her. He told me how much he loves me and wants to be with me etc. etc. He sent me a picture of himself in bed and said "time for sleep."
Well, I texted him this morning, and things were not adding up. I checked some other stuff, and he definitely did not go to sleep when he said he did. Asshole. He wasn’t replying to texts so I called him and he texted that he didn’t want to talk right now. He eventually admitted that he’s with her. Asshole.
I’m such a fool for believing him. He was acting remorseful and crying with me and holding me. I caved. I’m hurt and embarrassed and angry, and resolute.
I’m really going to have to do it. I am going to have to file for divorce on Monday. Good thing we’re getting a tax refund. That will help pay for it. F**k!
*Edited to add a word.
45 comments posted: Friday, April 22nd, 2022
Taking the plunge
I’m new here, and just looking for support. At the beginning of March, WH told me he had a ONS with a someone he used to work with, then I checked the bank account and saw some interesting charges. I confronted him and found out it was a full blown affair with a current co-worker. He was remorseful and said that it was over. He also said that OW was looking for a new job. He then would text me every time he had any interaction with her.
We each started IC and we started MC. Things seemed to be going okay. He wasn’t 100% sure he could fully commit to saving our marriage, but he was open to trying. He is currently working through some mental health stuff, so I said I would give him time to straighten his head out before we really dig in to reconciliation. We separated; he is living in our house, and I’m living with my parents and the dogs.
Last Saturday, he held me while I cried, and then that night he went to hang out with some friends. He texted me that he was going to spend the night at his friend’s house (understandable, as he had been drinking). Then, he stopped sharing his location (iPhone). Definitely not understandable. I was sure he was with OW. The next day, he told me a story about going to a strip club and not wanting me to see it. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how much BS that was. Yesterday, I told him to tell me what he really did, and he said they changed their mind about going to the strip club and got drunk and passed out. He swore that he did not contact OW that night.
Well, later on Monday, I was able to get into one of his accounts and saw that they had been chatting regularly. I confronted him and he swore it was nothing physical.
Monday after work we chatted, and I told him that he needed to break it off with her completely. He said that he wouldn’t do that. I told him that I don’t compete, and if he wants her, he can’t have me, so I will be starting the divorce process. Later on, through text, he admitted that he was with her on Saturday night. So, as much as I don’t want to, I feel that divorce is the only option at this point.
This whole time throughout this process he has told me how much he loves me and how he doesn’t want to get divorced. I don’t see any other option. This sucks.
We have been together 13 years and married for almost 10. I don’t know how to do this. I’m so lost right now. He was my best friend. He started medication for depression, and 3 months later our marriage is ending. I can’t believe this is happening.
23 comments posted: Wednesday, April 6th, 2022