Husband won’t believe there was no sex

I’ve been married for almost 8 years. This is my second marriage. My first ended when my husband (a sex addict) continues to cheat. After my daughter was I suffered the baby blues pretty bad and she didn’t start sleeping through the night until she was 14 months old.

My husband was recently promoted to a fire Captain and was gone a lot working and when he came home was here physically but not emotionally or mentally. We struggled a lot. He was not patient with the kids or me. He was always drinking and had anger issues. Fast forward to about 6 months ago, I starting talking to this guy at work. I work two days a week just to get out of the house. He started saying all the right things and always seemed to be there when I had a bad day or my husband was mean. Looking back now, he played me and manipulated me. He is a narcissist like my ex husband. When I stopped drinking and my husband didn’t, he was the one there supporting me. I would tell him my husband would go to a bar to decompress and he was in my ear saying there’s no way he’s not hooking up with women.

We started texting a lot and maybe seeing each other once a week at work. It turned physical about 4 months ago. We started touching in my office and feeling each other. Hugs and kisses. Every time I would get lost in the moment but as soon as I left work I would cry. The next time I saw this guy I would tell him my husband doesn’t deserve this but yet I’d get sucked back in. He was constantly trying thanking me for being there for him too. His wife was cheating on him with another woman and when I expressed guilt over or relationship he would say he felt none because of what she was doing to him. Over the next several months, we hugged kissed and exchanged touches probably 4 times. Approximately 6 weeks ago, I saw him for the first time out of work. I went to a retirement party and he just randomly showed up. Nothing happened but we did sit near each other and talk. My husband thinks otherwise and I get it. I decided to end things the week after and like an idiot he somehow convinced me to get a hotel room. Just to hug and said goodbye with no one around and no one looking. I’m not sure why or how I thought this was ok. I’m not dumb and I know how it look.

When got to the hotel and I panicked. He brought in alcohol and I thought omg, what am I thinking. I keep telling him sorry over and over and that it wasn’t a good idea. He held me and said thank you for being here for me and I know you’re thankful for me. I was almost frozen. I told him if anyone saw us there’s no way they would think we didn’t have sex. I excused myself and went to the restroom. I think I was in there for 15 min. When I can out. He had his penis out and begged me to touch it. He was flopping it around and said he was nervous and needed some help. I said pleas no I can’t do this but I’m Jen part of me felt like I owed him. I was absolutely sick. I said I am so sorry I know you thought you were going to get something out of this. I hugged him and we left.

Several days later my husband confronted me about the text and I admitted to a few hugs and kisses but left out the hotel because I was afraid of his anger and knew he would think I was lying. I always thought there was more when my ex told me things, so I get it. Well he ended up talking to the AP and then met his wife at a bar to talk. He ended up telling him we slept together 4 times said once in my car, the hotel and 2 other times but couldn’t say where. Needless to say he doesn’t believe it. He said why would he tell me that and the only thing I can think is to get back at his wife and no he can tell everyone at work that he got some. I’ve had several people in the past try with my and I was proud that I never was with anyone there and was very respected. That is now all gone because the AP and my husband have told several people he works with and I work with about everything. I’m not sure what to do. He’s saying unless I admit to sex, he won’t work on the marriage. I almost want to just to move past this but it’s my my truth. I almost feel like the emotional relationship was worse. He’s also now accusing me of cheating on him before all this and with other people. How do I proceed? I did not have sex even though it looks bad.

41 comments posted: Friday, March 25th, 2022