Consistently triggered and enraged about AP
I’m about 1.5 years into R and my WW has been what you would call a model WS. She’s done everything you could really ask for and it’s helped me recover. My anger and pain these days are primarily focused on the AP.
The AP is 45 so he’s about 15 years older than my WW and he was in sales and as you can imagine he was quite good at manipulating my WW. Unlike a lot of AP’s that are cheating on their partner, this man was already divorced and has a fiancé after a badly failed marriage he previously had years ago (not from cheating).
He thinks of this like a game. Women are objects. Can I make them orgasm, squirt etc. he had multiple women at a time (I know from WW). He was fucking multiple married women without a care.
Why am I constantly angered? My WW was in a really hard place in life and he knew it. He knew she was fresh bait and wanted to manipulate her to keep cheating (she took responsibility for her end of this). I also cannot do anything. He knows where my WW works bc she stupidly left a folder from her company in her car and he saw.
He told her that if me or her told his fiancé about this he’d email her board of directors (she reports to them) whose contact info is listed on the company website and ruin her career. I also know his address bc his stupid ass wanted her to go there instead of a hotel at first (which she says she absolutely did not do and I believe her).
So I’m stuck. I can’t do anything and I constantly get so angry. I literally want to go to this man’s house and beat the hell out of him.
I’m a peaceful person by nature but honestly I’ve tried using this anger at the gym but that’s only helped a little. I guess I’m just stuck and struggling and really need advice.
42 comments posted: Monday, December 5th, 2022
For those who reconciled…when did you know?
For those of you who have successfully recovered and reconciled. When did you know you reached that point?
I guess this is a three part question bc 3 things are needed for this.
When did you know you forgave them?
When did you know you were reconciled?
When did you know that you were healed and recovered?
Was it a day you just woke up and knew? An action? Something your WS did to prove themselves?
18 comments posted: Monday, August 8th, 2022
A lesson on forgiveness
Something powerful happened in my family recently and I hope it helps the BS here.
My uncle Rod was the oldest of 5. My mother was 2nd oldest. Rod had to be first in everything. Married first, kids first, graduated first etc. His ego was huge.
Back in the early 90’s my grandparents went to visit him in his home in Lincoln, Nebraska. Idk why this happened as I wasn’t there, but a disagreement occurred and my uncle slugged my grandpa in the face and told him to get out of his house. My family immediately hated him. "Let him rot in hell!" He’s a piece of shit! It’s been that way ever since I can remember.
I didn’t see my 2 cousins from their side from that point on except for 2 times: my grandpa’s funeral in 2008 and my grandma’s 3 months ago.
After going through my grandparents items to divvy out to family, they noticed a locked box that was not labeled. Nobody had seen it before so everyone was curious what it was. They opened it and saw something that made all of my aunts cry: it was over 200 letters. Birthdays, holidays, anniversaries. All of them sent by my grandparents to my uncle Rod and never opened. They were all labeled "return to sender".
My grandparents forgave him after a couple years and tried to reconcile but he never forgave them after 30 years. 30 years of being angry, bitter, letting the past rule your life.
My message here, and one I saw, was that if you are a BS you need to at some point let go and truly forgive. Let the pst stay where it belongs and look ahead to a bright future. Don’t waste your life being upset or fearful of someone else betraying you. That’s no way to live.
I know this is hard to hear, but if you can’t do that then please divorce. For you and them. And that’s okay if that’s your path. If a WS is truly repentant and begs for forgiveness and improves themself, then at some point life has to go on. It’s not fair to them or you to hang this over their head until you die. It’s not a good way to live.
I hope this can help those in the same positionI am in. All I can say is that this truly has helped me see how powerful forgiveness really is.
14 comments posted: Wednesday, February 9th, 2022