Newest Member: Heartbeat1983


DDay 1 - 2/19/21 (found out about EA)DDay 2 - 5/22/21 (TT found burner phone)DDay 3 - 6/9/21 (TT found out about PA)

EA/PA ended 3/22/21 -WH went NCWorking on R15yr old DD at home - unfortunately knows way too much


Has anyone here had experiences with Melanoma? WH was just diagnosed yesterday. We know it’s at least stage 2, but could be a higher stage as the melanoma spanned the depth of the biopsy.

We are heartbroken and so freaking scared right now. He says that he feels this is his "punishment" for the things he did, which breaks my heart more. He doesn’t deserve this. No one does.

10 comments posted: Wednesday, May 10th, 2023

Angry at the 2 year mark

2 years from the beginning of the affair and I am feeling the shitty feelings this season. WH has been wonderful, has made a million changes to become a be a better person and husband. But I’ve been struggling with the antiversary this year and he is starting to slip into old defensive patterns and it’s creating this viscous cycle of irritation and anger from both of us.

I might be being a brat but I don’t feel like it’s my f-ing responsibility to hold it together right now. I feel like he needs to pull his big boy pants up and just be supportive.

Add in a teenage daughter with a major attitude problem lately and I’m ready to tap out. I understand the celebrities who go to a facility for "exhaustion" because if I could, I would so be there.

I don’t know what I’m trying to achieve from this post…venting, advice, someone to tell me that this is normal? I don’t know. I’m just beyond frustrated and want to disappear.

8 comments posted: Tuesday, February 14th, 2023

Workplace Irritation

I work in an office setting, and there is this guy who whistles (horribly btw) ALL DAY LONG!!!! It is BEYOND irritating. Like, I can hear him over my headphones. I know that he is disturbing a lot of people around him, yet nobody is saying anything.

I put in my notice last week because I'm starting a new job, so I'm not even sure that saying something would be worth it, but I feel like I'm slowly going insane.

That's it...I think I just needed to vent lol!

10 comments posted: Wednesday, October 5th, 2022

Feel like I am going crazy

WH has me on the brink of insanity. We have been in true R since June of last year when the last little bit of trickle truth came out. I would say that things are going pretty well for the most part, but recently WH has started stuffing his emotions back down. Pretending that everything is fine. In his mind this was working amazingly, but to me it just felt like he was pretending that nothing happened. I brought this up to him and told him that it bothers me that he doesn't seem to ever think about the A and its aftermath, that he isn't actively showing remorse or anything.

He has been walking around since that talk in what I can only assume is a shame spiral. He says things like "this is what you wanted, see I'm showing you that I'm sad" WTF, no that isn't what I wanted at all...especially not with the attitude he has. He has been more argumentative, less empathetic, and just all around crabby. I feel like he is blaming me for these negative feelings, when he should be working through this himself. I am not the cause of any of this crap, he is, and he should be accountable for all of it himself.

The last couple days have been ROUGH. He is on edge and just being short and angry, and when I bring this or any issue up, he responds horribly. he either cops an attitude immediately or I'm met with "I can never do anything right" How are we supposed to work through any issue if his attitude is so self centered and mean?

Has anyone else gone through humps like this? What did you do? i don't feel like he is so far gone that R isn't worth it, but he is changing and its making me nervous as hell.

11 comments posted: Wednesday, April 13th, 2022

Healing Timeline?

BearlyBreathing posted something in another post that really got me thinking about the healing timeline. I know everyone heals differently, and at their own pace. But is there an average "general" timeline with what to expect at different stages of healing or affair recovery?

You are still in the early days. The common wisdom here is 2-5 YEARS to heal and that’s when things go well.
For the first 6 months you are still wrapping your head around all the happened. For some, anger and rage set in around 6 months when the shock wears off. The second year can be hard because that is when you really see- I mean really see - what happened. No rose-colored glasses, no shock. So it is TOTALLY normal to still be vacillating constantly.

10 comments posted: Friday, March 4th, 2022

First DDay Antiversary is tomorrow

Tomorrow is the first antiversary of DDay1, and I swear I can feel it in my bones! Everything feels "off" for me, and I just feel "meh". I don't feel angry and I don't feel like I am going to bawl my eyes out or anything, I just feel off. You know that ominous feeling like something bad is going to happen, but you don't know what it is? That's how I feel.

WH is feeling like that, too, but I'm not sure if its because he realizes what tomorrow is, or because we had some revelations from DD this week that rocked him a little. She is scarred from the way he acted last year, and is just now finding her footing to express this. He is struggling with the repercussions of what he did and how it affected ALL of us.

In general, he is so different especially from last year, but honestly the entire relationship. The changes he is making/has made are complete 180's in the best possible way. I feel like he finally gets it. He set reminders on his phone of all the days that I told him were going to be huge trigger days for me during the next month of "A" season...which was encouraging because I didn't ask him to do that.

But regardless of all the good, tomorrow and the next month just seem a dark cloud is following me. I'm trying to focus on me and self care, but its still there in the back of my mind.

[This message restored by Webmaster at 5:20 PM, Saturday, February 19th]

5 comments posted: Friday, February 18th, 2022

First anniversary of DDay coming up

I am nearing the first anniversary of DDay. The day my life fell apart, and the month of hell that ensued after. Some days I feel like I am healing and feeling better, but today the thought of living through that day again takes my breath away. I know its over a month away, and I should just try to deal with it as it comes but that seems so damn hard to do!

I read the post that was bumped yesterday about contrition, remorse and regret, and WH is checking all the boxes. I can tell that his sorrow over what he caused is coming from the right place. He is doing all the right things, he takes full responsibility, is taking the lead in efforts to make me feel safe and secure and I feel supported and loved and he is truly trying. All of this makes the day to day easier, but those sickening feelings pop back up at the thought of DDay and "A" season.

To all the veterans survivors of infidelity did/do you handle A season and the anniversaries of DDay? I wish I could sleep those months away and wake up when its over, but that just can't happen sad

8 comments posted: Tuesday, January 4th, 2022

Finishing my degree - need advice

So, I was trying to finish my degree when DDay hit. Luckily, it all exploded before I had signed up for my next round of classes. Infidelity has taken too much from me, and i am NOT letting it take away my education, too!

I finished my Associate's degree, and now I am looking at majors. Originally, I was going to do Business Administration or Finance, because that is the industry that I am currently in, and where the majority of my experience is (over 10 years) but I'm not sure. Psychology has ALWAYS interested me...especially now since I've gone through what I have. I'm just not sure if I should go with the degree that I know will give me independent financial security and stick with my current career path, or if I should go out on a limb and explore something that truly interests me.

Any suggestions?

10 comments posted: Monday, December 20th, 2021

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