I Feel So Useless

Hi, this is my first point since discovering the site at the weekend. I think I've got a handle on all of the acronyms!

My husband discovered my affair just before New Year. It was the most devastating thing to ever happen in my life. He asked me to leave immediately and so I went to my mum's for a week. We spoke after a few days and he told me that this was not something he thought he could get over but I could return home whilst I found somewhere to go.

He hasn't wanted to talk about anything. The affair, the future, our relationship. He has repeated that he doesn't think this is something that he can't see past.

Of course I understand that, I am completely ashamed at what I've done and my heart aches for hurting him.

Despite everything he wants us to be friends, and we have seen each other a few times. He messages most days to see how I am. I moved out about 6 weeks ago and this has really made me realise the enormity and horror of what I've done and just how much he means to me.

I feel like my life without him is so pointless and don't understand how I could have made such utterly stupid and devastating decisions. He is the person for me and I am willing to do anything to have another chance.

A chance to show him how much I love him, how much I want to rebuild his trust and faith in me and have a chance to repair our marriage.

Is this possible when he doesn't want to talk about anything?

I wanted to give him time without putting him under pressure to talk, but I'm so scared that the more time that passes the more he will realise he is better off without me.

I have undertaken some IC and I understand what led to me doing what I did - I also KNOW that I would never ever do anything like this again. To anyone.

I just don't know what to do.

61 comments posted: Wednesday, April 7th, 2021