I am a terrible wife and my AP is crazy

Hello, new user here.

I can't talk to anyone about what's happening in my life and this site seems like a good opportunity to get opinions from third parties to get out of this chaos.

Just a little context: husband and I have been married 5 years (togheter 8 years). Our marriage is generally good, we got along well, no financial problems etc. Unfortunately our sex life has stalled after having our son. Apart from that our life is happy, we work as a team and we are two excellent parents to our son. I know it may seem strange what I am about to say and that many will not believe me but I am still in love with my husband. Obviously the emotions are not like the ones i felt in the beginningn of our relationship but there is a lot of affection for him.

I have never been unfaithful until 6 months ago. During a corporate event i met one of my husband's colleague (he is his superior at work), whom he had told me a lot about (they're not friends but they know each other for a couple of years). From the first moment i saw him i was incredibly attracted: he's so tall and handsome, extremely confident and charismatic, he's the type of guy that takes what he want.

I'm ashamed to say it but he's the classic guy who gets a lot of female attention. He knows he is very attractive and for some reason this made him irresistible in my eyes.

Long story short, After exchanging numbers, we began to text each other. It's a cliché to admit it but his attentions flattered me. He was romantic and sweet at first (a surprise considering the kind of man he is). His attention was like a drug, I spent my days waiting for a message or a phone call. Looking back, I should have stopped everything and ended this inappropriate relationship, and then talked about it with my husband.

But after a month I accepted his invitation for a drink. I knew I was wrong but I thought I could control myself but in the end he managed to kiss me and I kissed him back. After that kiss I tried weakly to end our relationship but after a couple of days he came back to contact me by phone and I gave in. After a few days we ended up in bed together.

For about 5 months we have been having this relationship where we meet 2 or 3 times a week. Ours is a purely physical relationship. I'm ashamed to admit it but the sex between us is great. Surely the fact that ours is an illicit and secret relationship increases the excitement but I have never felt this way with anyone.

I have always told him that I would not leave my husband for him and he has always respected this fact.

The point is that right from the start he seems really turned on to do thigs to humiliate my husband, like he always want to meet me at our place and have sex in our marital bed and all over the place, during sex he always try to verbally humiliate my husband very badly. I am so ashamed to admit it but I have allowed this to happen.

But he always seem to want to find new ideas to mess with my husband.

I can't recognize myself for what I've done. During those months I seem to be another person and I am disgusted with myself. I should never have given in and at least have the decency to respect my husband and son and do not allow this man to enter our house to fulfill his sick fantasies.

After the last of his ideas I have had enough and I want to end this stupid relationship. I informed him of this and he took it badly. He began to say that he is in love with me (I know very well that it is not true, he only loves himself) and he subtly threatened me to confess everything to my husband.

My lover turned out to be a lousy and terrible person. A man who stops at nothing or anyone to get what he wants. I asked him to leave my husband and me alone and begged him to consider my son and how this could ruin his childhood.From his answes i can see him as a madman right now, how did I not notice it before.

I know what I've done is horrible. I look at my husband and my son and I feel like I'm dying inside. I have been selfish in pursuing my needs and now I risk ruining the lives of the people I love the most.

I want to put myself in therapy, I want to eliminate my lover from my life and focus on what really matters: my family.

The big problem is that I can't hide what happened to my husband. He doesn't suspect anything and has always trusted me. I can no longer live with this sense of guilt and I would like to confess everything to him. I am willing to accept the consequences of what I have done. I don't want to get divorced, I am willing to do whatever it takes to heal my husband and save our family.It's not fair to keep such a secret from my husband. I intend to confess everything but I am afraid of hurting him terribly. I don't know whether to include even the worst details or tell him a embelished version. Just the thought of lying to him again makes me suffer

My situation is a disaster, I would do anything to go back and change what happened. Every now and then I have terrible thoughts in my head and I think my husband and son would be better off without me.

[This message edited by madeamistake at 9:21 AM, March 10th (Wednesday)]

83 comments posted: Monday, March 8th, 2021