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22 years together and he will not even admit huge infidelities

Hi,

I am new to this forum and am struggling as today is the anniversary of when we got together 22 years ago, married for 17 years, most of it really happy and bright. Hard to understand how something so lovely could have got so toxic.

He got depressed five years ago, had huge amounts of support from myself, friends and family, counselling, drug changes and couple counselling. But all the time I wondered if there was more to his depression than hating his job, as he claimed it was all about that, not us. He seemed remote and disinterested in our lives, also not confiding in me.

Our two kids were badly affected by his moods, lying on sofa being lacklustre and complaining he hated his job and had a boring life. He often had crazy angry outbursts. He was signed off work for a few months and I struggled to pay bills and keep life as normal as possible.

At beginning of lockdown I had to ask him to go and stay at his mum's for a couple of weeks as he was being so awful, aggressive, not helping at all at home and sitting around watching stuff on his beloved laptop all day while I worked in spare room.

Long story short, after he had gone I began to discover tonnes of evidence pointing to a double life, a date site subscription, huge amounts of porn on tablet, live stream girls he followed on Instagram, and most traumatically of all, pictures of an orgy with him at it and an image of him having sex with a young girl. I got a detective to help me recover images on the tablet.

I immediately confronted him on phone but he just gave non convincing monosyllabic denials or put phone down. He refused to meet to come clean eventhough I asked him for some sort of closure. He just kept repeating he did nothing wrong. I filed for divorce. He did not dispute it or have anything to say to me. I have not seen him since.

9 months on I am wondering if I will ever heal. I feel so trashed and he has vandalized all the good. He seems to have a new person as some parking fines came here recently showing him in same area of town, miles from where he works

It feels he has got away 'happy' with a new lust filled life. Although I know he has made terrible choices and I could not possibly say this is the same man I married, I feel like I will never have joy or lightness in my heart again because of what he has done. I already had an awful 5 years, waiting for him to come back to his old self, only to find he had completely reinvented himself behind my back. It seems so bloody unfair.

21 comments posted: Thursday, December 31st, 2020

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