How do I deal with ex trying to rewrite history to my children with
Struggling today. Would appreciate any advice/input. I’m now 3 years from D-day and coming up to a year from divorce. Husband suddenly abandoned me and children, found out next day he was cheating with much younger colleague. Lies, betrayal, theft of family savings, threats, psychological abuse followed.
I’m just about holding it together- I’m really only still here because of my children. Diagnosed with PTSD and Generalised Anxiety Disorder. Have had some counselling and taken meds - but feel scared, worthless and terrified of my ex.
He did the usual thing of blaming me, rewriting history etc and that was so damaging to me. My two children (19 and 22) have little contact with him. My youngest has had a huge row with his father recently and has started to talk to me about his feelings. He said his dad keeps trying to blameshift and minimise what he did. Eg ‘l could throw some dirt about your mum’, ‘I was already planning to leave before I started seeing OW’, ‘I’ve been unhappy for years’ etc. I hate to think about my son having to deal with this. It’s so damaging to his sense of self. He tells me he knows ‘it’s all bullsh*t’, but I’m so worried as he suffers from depression and I know the effect that rewriting history can have.
I’m angry that he is doing this to our children. He has never been honest or humble and accepted that he hurt us. It just feels like the pain and damage will never end. I’m worried that my children will start to believe him and his nasty manipulations will damage the relationship I have with them.
Really, really hurting and struggling just now.
8 comments posted: Tuesday, September 7th, 2021
Really struggling with anxiety and fear
Reaching out to SI community for some words of hope.
Coming up to 3 years since he cheated and abandoned me and our children. I just feel like it’s a struggle to get through every day and there seems to be no light ahead. I’m struggling with anxiety, panic attacks and depression. I’m pretty much NC with ex husband, but have had to have contact with him regarding my youngest child’s University finances. I’m ashamed to say that I’m actually frightened of my ex now, and felt sick when I was corresponding with him. I’m struggling to sleep and feel overwhelmed by my job, maintaining my house, finances etc. I look in the mirror and hate what I see - a broken, worthless person whose husband threw her away like an old rag.
I’m having some counselling- talking therapy- it’s helping a little but I’m struggling to express my feelings, particularly when having to face discussions around a few incidents of physical intimidation. I was doing a little better this time last year, but seem to have plummeted backwards. I just feel scared and anxious all the time. I feel like I just want to curl into a ball and for the ‘world to go away’.
Is this normal?
Please could anyone offer me some words of support/hope?
[This message edited by MotherOfDragons at 4:48 AM, May 4th (Tuesday)]
9 comments posted: Tuesday, May 4th, 2021