Dating

So, I decided to get myself on some online dating apps.

It's strange to go online and swipe through peoples images...I find it kind of odd, but I guess it's because I literally haven't dated for 20 years, which makes me feel completely out of the game...and old!

So, I was surprised that it was pretty easy to get messaging with people and also how quickly I got to actually talk with someone. Then last week I got invited to go out. The proceeding week i've been wracked with anxiety, like feeling bad if my ex finds out (I decided I didn't want her to know), and worried about what my kids would think. This was also combined with the fact that to go out I would have to break the Covid rules on movement where I am. I was quite concerned about this, but then I thought, fuck it, i'm doing this.

Anyhow, I actually went out for the date today, which spun me out completely, like I literally didn't know what to do with myself before I got there. The date was a hike, which again was odd, because i'm sure that i'd not have done that when I was a kid (like, in my 20s), so I totally didn't know what to expect.

The date was great, the person I met was really nice, kinda cute and we hit it off, in that we had a lot in common, and we just talked easily.

However, i'm now sitting at home and overthinking everything, worried about the future, concerned about what I should tell this person about my past? She seems really nice and I don't want to use her in any way, but at the same time, it's great to meet with someone and realise that there is maybe a future for me.

I guess ultimately my question is, is this normal? Have I gone into this too quickly? I actually feel like I shouldn't be doing this. My overriding feeling is guilt, like i'm doing something I shouldn't be doing.

I was with my wife for 20 years, and I feel like there should be some arbitrary time frame after sepration that dating is ok - does that sound odd?

11 comments posted: Saturday, January 23rd, 2021