Newest Member: Seekinghelptoo

brinbk

Found someone great relatively quickly

Hi all, I haven't posted in a while, but wanted to check in. My quick backstory - discovered my wife was having an 18-month long distance affair way back at the end of November last year. Attempted to work through it and assumed reconciliation was most likely, but after about 3 months, I realized it was better to move on. Divorce has mostly been amicable (some tenser moments for sure, but we're using a collaborative approach) and while it's not totally done, there's light at the end of the tunnel.

I started trying to date again in March - very quick by most "standards" on here, I know, but after almost 15 years with one person, I felt I needed to get out there, and my therapist was encouraging. I've been on dates with a dozen women or so, and in most cases even had second or third dates with them - huge confidence booster as you can imagine.

I even met someone great over the summer - things progressed slowly at first but then got somewhat serious through Labor Day. And while it may not last (she's unsure about whether she is truly ready to deal with an ex and two kids from that marriage), it has been so great to realize I can move on and get butterflies again. Sure, there's scars, but if I can pull this off, I know others can do the same. I agonized a bit about "being ready" but realized that was mostly an excuse - there's no such thing as "ready". Getting out there and testing the waters (and I definitely stumbled quite a bit at first - happy to share the grim/hilarious details if anyone wants laugh ) is the best way to get over the hump sometimes.

Anyway, just wanted to share. Sending love to this wonderful community.

10 comments posted: Monday, September 27th, 2021

How to start

Hi all, some of you may have read my thread in "Just Found Out". 3 months post-dday and I'm ready to file for D. It has not been an easy, overnight decision, but after much reflection, several good IC sessions (ongoing), and serious conversations with WS, I've realized this is what I need to move forward and be happy.

While that's a big step, I am plenty aware there's a long road ahead here, and I am a bit lost as how best to proceed. I've spoken to a lawyer twice now and will retain her to move forward. Very preliminary conversations with WS have outlined my intentions to go 50/50 on basically everything, including kids, but I know the devil's in the details on these things. Worth noting that I own the home pre-marriage and confirmed with the lawyer that that would remain 100% mine, but everything else should be fair game. I have also been the "breadwinner" for the past few years, and while this makes WS feel powerless (I too am concerned about where she would live, because it has to be nearby for the kids and big enough for all of them when she has them too), I've assured her I will not be vindictive (it has never been my style - I know things can change in a hurry on this, but it would really take something well out of the ordinary for that to change).

Any advice/thoughts on how to proceed, what to avoid, etc. are welcome.

[This message edited by brinbk at 10:42 AM, February 24th (Wednesday)]

14 comments posted: Wednesday, February 24th, 2021

Access to WS Phone

I very recently found out my WS has been having a long distance affair for at least 9 months (likely a decent amount longer) and I know there is a very long text thread (I have the phone records now). I have not confronted yet and am in the process of finding a lawyer and therapist.

I'm not particularly tech savvy (probably slightly above average) but it seems rather difficult to get access to those texts and forward/print/save them for documentation somehow (there's >5,000 messages). I feel icky just typing this out, but does anyone have any experience doing this? It's almost impossible for me to get access to WS' phone as it rarely leaves their side, but I'd like to be prepared in case the opportunity comes. And please tell me if anyone feels this isn't advisable.

Thanks to all of you - I'm so glad I've found this community early on in this process that is already so awful.

232 comments posted: Tuesday, December 8th, 2020

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