And then this happened........

On Friday afternoon, my wife told me she has scheduled a polygraph exam for this week. The examiner has years of experience and conducts the exams in hotel conference rooms around the country.

This announcement came completely out of the clear blue sky. I could not possibly have been more startled and surprised by this - in a very positive way.

Those of you whom have read my profile or any of my SI posts know I have had 3 years of trickle truth in trying to get details of the affair that will allow me to move forward - with or without her. It has been completely exhausting and maddening. I am at the proverbial end of my rope. I still don't have a timeline I can believe 43 years after the discovery of the affair. She lied about some elements of the affair when it was discovered (which she has admitted) and the slow release of information is (has?) destroyed our marriage. Trust is non-existent. She has sworn for three years she repressed the memories because of shame and guilt and really wants to give me answers. I've told her flat out many times I do not believe her when she gives me an answer that I believe she is lying about, minimizing or holding back important details.

My distrust is such that I have found myself wondering if this is some kind of elaborate ruse to keep me from leaving. She is really, really scared that I am going to walk out - and I know she's not faking.

I am not a big fan of poly exams. Some people can pass them with ease while lying through their teeth. Most of the questions examiners ask are "Yes/No" and do not give details I wish to have - details which I feel I am owed.

BUT.......the fact that she has gone out and scheduled the exam with no prompting from me has actually given me hope that there may actually be some truth to the repressed memory. It's is a big risk for her.......because she has told me she is afraid some answers could cross lines she doesn't believe I can get past. (And she's 110% correct).

I would value any inputs from SI folks - negative or positive - regarding whether this is truly a sign of trying to give me the answers I need or a ploy to get me to stay..............

64 comments posted: Thursday, August 10th, 2023