WW 50BH 58- Achilles1101Married 21 years. 2 Kids4.5 year LTA
Coming out of the darkness
Sorry in advance for the long post. First time here so this is going to be a long one. I am a 48 year old female married 20 years with 2 children, ages 18 and 17. In 2014 I befriended a male co worker, who is also married.We shared a few of the same interests; jogging, football and of course our work. We began texting each other in the morning to see how the day might go- were going to go for a walk or jog at lunch. General conversation. From there it went to exchanging messages after work through a trivia gaming app. As we started to talk and exchange messages more, conversations took on a flirtatious tone.
In 2015 he expressed that he found me attractive and was having fantasies about me. We initially agreed the flirting was as far as it would go. That lasted a few weeks and then turned in to sending pictures to each other, typically after a work out while changing back in to work clothes. One afternoon after a work out that all changed. When we finished the work out he grabbed me from behind and it went from there. We were all over each other, and it ended with me pleasuring him. This was the beginning of an affair that spanned four and a half years.
After the first year, he decided it needed to end and he told his wife about the affair. He said this could never happen again, to which I agreed. But I didn’t tell my spouse about it and decided I didn’t need to since it had ended. At least I thought it had. After taking a “break” from the affair for about a year, he came back. Said he missed me and couldn’t stay away. After resisting for a few months, I gave in and we picked up where we left off, sneaking around to meet up and back to sexting. We continued on and off this way until my husband found out last year in March.
My husband had started asking more questions and hinted that he suspected something. When he confronted me with it I sat May, I did myself no favors and admitted to one sexual incident and the sexting. I told him what I thought he knew. He accepted that story for about 10 months. This April, he called the OBS. She was all too happy to share her story. She told my husband I had initiated the affair and even chased her husband off to a different location( still with the same company).
As to be expected my husband was devastated. How could I carry on with another man for 4.5 years? Why did I not tell him the truth? Honestly I never thought he would find out, stupid right? I also thought I was protecting him. The only thing I have succeeded in is putting my poor husband and family in a state of devastation and shock and given my husband reason to question everything I say.
Being the loving man he is, my husband is trying to help me figure out what was broken or missing in me. We both believe that CSA has contributed to the affair, but is not entirely to blame. We are working towards reconciliation and taking one day at a time. We sent a NC letter to the AP and have begun MC. Due to the pandemic we are having a hard time finding individual counseling.
We have purchased a few books and I have provided him with a time line of the affair, in addition to writing him an apology letter. We have written a list of conditions to consider. As we are not in IC we have been getting to a secluded spot by the lake once a week to have lunch and talk about the affair as I try to help him understand the how and why and maybe begin to heal.
42 comments posted: Thursday, June 11th, 2020