Sticker shock from attorneys 1st statement
I knew it was going to be expensive, but I'm just sick over it.
I got my first statement and I saw a 27.00 charge because they called me to reschedule an appointment that they canceled. I drove all the way there for that appointment, was about to get out of my car when they canceled because of a client emergency. I couldn't reschedule that very moment because I didn't have my planner, so they called later to reschedule and I got charged for it!
They tried to call my soon to be x husband 2 times. He didn't answer. Each attempt was 27.00!. I sent an email to give them an unnecessary address and I got charged!
I'm afraid to ask anything now. If I ask about any of those charges, I'll be charged for asking.
If we continue at this rate, they'll blow through my already expensive retainer.
I'm at my maximum stress level already. I'm literally nauseous. It's not just from this, it's everything that keeps happening. It feels like a pile on.
I can't see my way to the other side. I know I'm in the thick of it right now and it'll get better, but it's so hard.
4 comments posted: Sunday, July 9th, 2023
Thoughts on going back to maiden name?
I finally made the decision, and the paperwork is beginning. On one of the forms I saw a question about a name change. I'd love to open up a conversation about going back to my maiden name. Do it? or Don't do it? It's a personal choice, but I'd like to hear other's experiences and thoughts about it.
15 comments posted: Monday, June 12th, 2023
Men; porn; and a new life
I think I've had it with my marriage. I really think I'm done. I don't think I'll ever feel special again. We've been going at this for 3 years and I'm just as angry and hurt as I was in the beginning. He trickle truthed me for way too long so trust is also completely gone. I don't see how I can be truly happy or feel safe with him ever again.
He has stopped the cheating, but struggles with empathy. I don't see him really buckling down and doing whatever it takes to work on healing the mess he made. We certainly get along (as long as I'm not triggered), and he's a good provider so theoretically we could be decent life partners/room mates until the end (I've taken my heart off the table; he's broken it too many times). But that's not what I want. I want to feel valued and special. I want to know that my husband only has eyes for me. I want to know that he is my protector and that I can always feel safe with him. I want to hear him tell me I'm beautiful and not have to wonder how many other women he's said it to. I don't want to have that yucky feeling of having been compared to countless women. I want a man that I can respect. (I struggle with that now) I want to love with my whole heart again.
I've been spending lots of time sorting out what my future would look like without him. I've sort of come to terms with it. Yes it will hurt like hell until it doesn't anymore, but there's a chance to find happiness again. I know it's not a guarantee, but my heart feels a tug in that direction.
At the same time, I really loved being married. I loved that partnership and having the (yeah it was false) security that my marriage offered. I really don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want to be loved and cherished. I want someone who cares about my feelings. I want someone who desires only me. ****Is that even possible?**** Are men really capable of desiring only one woman? (Forgive me guys, my heart and mind have been tainted by my experience)
Bear with me: this is where things get dark. The statistics are discouraging. Porn is a problem. It's soooo available and easy to hide. I don't want a porn addicted man. I just don't. I don't want to feel compared to impossible standards and scenarios. To put it simply, porn breeds discontent in the minds of men. I have to assume if a man is looking at porn, he's either addicted to it or will soon be. Studies have shown that it's more addictive than cocaine! I'm very worried that there are no men left in the world that don't view porn.
Ok men, it's time to be brutally honest. Please give me your honest answers. Are there any men our there who still refuse to view it?? I'm feeling so discouraged.
89 comments posted: Monday, April 24th, 2023
Why does it feel like this?
Knowing that my husband has lusted after other women somehow means that he doesn't approve of me. I know the logic on this, but this is what my heart truly says. "if he likes to look at them, then he doesn't like what he sees in me." I know for a fact that I'm not airbrushed with a team surrounding me to make me perfectly beautiful for my next porn shoot. I don't compare to the pictures that are so irresistible to him.
My brain also says: He sees how beautiful and perfect they are. He knows I don't look like that and I must be a disappointment. I used to think that my other wonderful qualities make up for any visual imperfections in his eyes. I thought that was enough to make him love and cherish me. Now I know that nothing about our life or time shared together was really valuable to him.
What is valuable to him is vanity. Fleeting beauty of one model, to replaced by the next and then the next. He never has to see imperfection if he doesn't want to. How does any real woman measure up to an impossible reality. We can't, bud sadly, nothing about us makes it enough for our husbands to want to be loyal.
For years I've read about how its not my fault, that I could be a super model; look at all the famous beautiful women that got cheated on, right?. I have morals and all that, and that makes me 1000x better than the trash he loves. Yeah, I've read and heard all that, but it doesn't make me feel better. Logic and my heart cannot mix. Its like oil and water.
The only thing I can hear from within is that he knows I'm not like the woman he worships, and therefore he must think less of me. Maybe he thinks yeah, I love my wife, but she doesn't look like THAT one. That woman has the best assets he's ever seen, which would mean that given the chance he'd choose her a million times over me. After all those priceless attributes were powerful enough to give up everything for. Everything and I mean everything---every memory that we shared. Every single time we laughed together---absolutely everything that I thought was valuable really meant nothing after all--just because I don't look like someone who isn't even real in the first place.
Ugh, I'm so depressed. So basically on a daily basis, I'm living with the reality that my heart tells me: If he likes to look at them, then he doesn't like me at all. Anybody else stuck in this trap?
10 comments posted: Tuesday, December 13th, 2022
Phone bill question: please help
I noticed a number showing on my husbands phone log. Every time it shows up, it only logs a one minute phone call. I also noticed that it only shows up at the time he dials a certain number (our house phone). The call times are identical.
I used intellius to see if I could trace the number and it said owner not found.
I tried to call the number and it didn't ring like it would if you were calling a regular number.
What could this be? I'm so distrusting of him. Burner phone? Prepaid? A weird coincidence?
It has shown up on his bill 9 times since September 20. One day had 4 different times.
Anybody have ideas of what this is?
5 comments posted: Friday, November 4th, 2022
Cracking incognito mode history
I REALLY want to see if he's using incognito mode on his android phone. For the most part what I have read is that incognito searches are impossible to recover because the information isn't saved. BUT I keep seeing these little nuggets of hope that promise that it can be done. clevguard is one that says it's possible. If it can be done, I imagine we'd all be incredibly enlightened about the minds of our unfaithful spouses.
Does anyone have deep incognito mode knowledge they'd like to share?
Also wondering about apps like spyic or hoverwatch that are installed stealthily on the target phone to keep track of key logs, txt messages, phone calls, etc. Do these types of key loggers track what gets typed into incognito searches?
Hoping to hear from someone more knowledgeable than me.
0 comment posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022
I finally decided that I need a break from my husband. He isn't making healing the focus of our lives, he's trying to stick his head in the sand and hope for the best. He's not doing anything unfaithful, but I just don't get the feeling that he is truly remorseful. He has lied to me about this for too long. More lies were uncovered the other day after he swore that I knew everything. He knows that I can't trust him if he lies to me and yet he still does it. His response to his lies are the "cliche" I was trying to protect you and didn't want to hurt you anymore.
Anyway, I just can't heal at the rate we're going. I needed some space to see what life is like without him. So far its been ok. I'm not pining away for him and its nice to get through a day without getting angry when I see him. Just the sight of him can be a trigger for me.
I'm not sure how to do the separation thing. He is texting all the time and has stopped in for a few quickies. I don't even know what were doing. Quickies should not be happening, I know. Is it best to cut all contact during a separation? What about life 360? Cut that out too? And how long is too long or too short? I know its not an exact science, but I'm sure some on here know better than I do.
Any advice from those who have done it before?
6 comments posted: Wednesday, February 23rd, 2022