Newest Member: BallofAnxiety

Toughlove1

Wh 39
Mwa 38
1 year e/p affair mostly long distance.
Dday Jan 2019 by receiving a picture not meant for my eyes.
Attempting R since.

What triggers wh!

It's been a while since posting here. We've been in very serious MC, working very hard at communicating.
So we've been chatting about the a recently. Sometimes it comes up. That is life. Especially if I have triggers Such as not answering the phone to hear he's in a massage. I ask" what massage" he says the corporate environment one.
He comes home and says he was in an awful mood because of my question.
We had a little argument and I said I feel triggered, and I ask- to feel safe. He responded by saying these questions "aren't good for us"
He just wants us to be happy and get the cancer out already.
No more verifications or questions or discussion regarding affair. Because it makes him feel awful and then it ruins the day and brings our relationship a step back.
While writing these lines it feels so absurd.
Like he doesn't get it.
Please help me find the words to explain how this R works.
He IS trying to do the work. He really is.

35 comments posted: Tuesday, October 25th, 2022

Wh in r not attracted

Previous post I said our life has shifted recently with new baby, sleeping arrangements etc..
We started MC his initiative.
Its been going well, mainly learning how to talk to each other, not really talking about specific issues. More of a communication therapy.
My WH was away on business and I missed him dearly. He came home happy to see us. He bought me lulu lemon leggings. I tried them on and gave a sexy pose, He didn't look twice. He already expressed that he has no attraction to me because of our emotional problems. That's why we are in therapy.
It really depresses me. I look great, I probably look better than before I had baby number 3 or 2 or even 1.
So clearly its an emotional thing.
Can it be salvaged?
I raised my concern and he said that it bothers him too. And when was the last time I seduced him.... WTF??!!!! ###
I feel like I put up with so much shit from him with the a. And now this???!!!
We have a gorgeous family, we enjoy our time together, have good laughs.
I adore our family.
Im depressed.

29 comments posted: Saturday, April 9th, 2022

3 years after dday

We are 3 years post dday. A looot has happened this past year, we had another baby, had postpartum anxiety, I took a huge leap into starting my own firm. It was one of the most stressful years of my life. My husband was by my side supporting me till 2 months ago when something completely changed for him. He told me he lost his love for me, and we need to go to counseling for him to " forgive" me. Forgive what you ask, not sure. We haven't had much intimacy or kindness between us, the stress we were under work related, the new baby, the sleepless nights, just didn't have an ounce of energy in me to give beyond my survival. And he said he's had enough, "nothing to do with baby"... I see emptiness in his eyes, dissatachment, Ill be lying if it doesn't bring back serious triggering to the year he had the affair.
We worked so hard on the R, and the moment the baby was born I diverted my attention to surviving sleepless nights, endless feeding, zero time for myself or marriage. I don't know what to do. He completely checked out. We are like roommates raising three kids. He used to tell me he loves me every day, that im beautiful. In one day he completely stopped. I don't know what to do. Every time I ask to discuss it he says "no" only at the CC, when we decide to go. How can he shut himself off like that and expect to pick up where we left off when we go to CC. All these months are creating such a distance between us. Why is he doing this? Im so confused.

81 comments posted: Saturday, February 19th, 2022

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