"When Good People Have Affairs"

My WS told me she had started reading this and that she really related to the WS confusion described in the first chapter. I've been reading different books, but thought I'd check this out for a different perspective.

No one should read this book.

I should have realized something was amiss when the author suggested that the WS never tell their primary partner about the affair, if they can. Her justification? It will cause too much unnecessary pain.

The rest of the book is focused on guiding the WS through identifying why they cheated and how to decide which "relationship" they should chose. It is full of absolutes, not grounded in any real research on affairs and their effects, and full of poor logic statements like "it should be obvious that..." or "the only conclusion you can come to is..."

The book is full of victim blaming and excuses/justifications for infidelity. It was truly triggering for me.

There is little acknowledgement of wrong on the part of the WS and no focus on the relationship dynamics. It is all about the WS. When reading it, I couldn't help but think this book will fuel the narcissism and entitlement cheaters have.

There is much more wrong with this book, but you can get a good sense of those from reading the one star reviews on Amazon.

Anyone have any other suggestions for a good book for the WS. Something directed at dealing with confusion, guilt, hurt, the fog, etc.?

18 comments posted: Monday, December 2nd, 2019