Newest Member: Seekinghelptoo


Never imagined where I would be....

I made it to my anti-versary. One year ago yesterday was my finalization date. I honestly didn't even realize it until last night. If you would have told me at this time last year that things would be as good as they are now (which some of you actually did), I never would have believed it. It has been hard, it has been turbulent, and there are still challenges and uncertainties. But life has always had those things. Being able to address them on my own and with the support of good friends, family, and special people in my life, is like night and day from anything I have ever experienced in my life.

Thanks so much to the people here that take time to provide advice and wisdom. I honestly could not have done it without the knowledge that I have gained here.

I am still in therapy. I have a wonderful woman in my life. My kids are happy and adjusting well. I don't have a lot to complain about. Life doesn't always turn out exactly as you plan it. But it is nice to realize that if you maintain your character and self-worth, no matter what the circumstances, that the sun will come out again.

6 comments posted: Thursday, March 4th, 2021

Quick update.... and thanks to everyone here....

I have posted here a few times over the past year and have really gained a lot of insight and am extremely appreciative of the wisdom here.

Shortly after the finalization of my divorce early this year, I met a woman that was seemingly perfect for me. I was only looking to date casually and was not looking for any long-term commitment, but she was definitely stuck in my head. Due to the end of my marriage and my lack of trust in myself, I have navigated everything as cautiously as possible. I got a lot of good advice on here about rebound relationships, red and yellow flags to be on the lookout for, and realistic expectations as to whether our lives, values, and morals were really as strongly aligned as it seems.

Well.... it turns out that she really is great. We have been seeing each other exclusively for almost 6 months now and we are starting to talk about introducing her to my kids. I am still very protective of them and she understands and supports my decision to be slow and methodical with regard to their involvement in our relationship. I am continuing therapy, work is going well, and I am seeing the potential to be happy in developing this relationship further.

My guard rails remain up somewhat. I am not moving quickly towards marriage, cohabitation, or anything like that. But I am getting more comfortable with the idea that I could be in the beginning stages of a loving, long-term, relationship that brings a lot of fun, excitement, trust, and positivity to my life that I have been missing for a very long time (even longer than I realized before the shit storm hit my life last year).

Anyway... not really sure what the point of this post is other than to say thank you to everyone that takes the time to talk to strangers on this site and provide your insight and advice. I also want to encourage others to really know that the dark periods pass. I still have some days that aren't great. But I never would have thought, at this time last year, that I would be so positive, that my kids would be doing so well, and that I would be looking towards such a bright future.

Thanks and blessings to everyone, and keep moving forward.....

4 comments posted: Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

Little setback.... but not with relationship....

So, yesterday was Mother's Day. First one post divorce. It fell on my weekend, but she had the option to spend however much time with them that she wanted. She took them for a lunch and they spent a few hours together. Everything seemed normal (although I found it odd that she only wanted a few hours rather than the entire day). I am trying really hard to not impose my thoughts, feelings, or expectations on her time with the kids.

Last night, while scrolling through facebook, I noticed that her new boyfriend had updated his relationship status to being in a relationship with her. Our divorce was finalized a little over 2 months ago, at which time she was in a "serious" relationship with her AP. Now, she has had time to cultivate an entirely new relationship with her new "boyfriend" during quarantine?

I honestly couldn't care less who she dates or what she does if we lived in a world where her decisions don't have a direct and lasting impact on my kids. But we don't live in that world. She (we) has (have) put the kids through so much as a result of her affair and the divorce and separation of our family. All I want to do is protect them, even if that is from her and her relationships.

I know that I don't get a say in her personal life. But to know that I don't get a say in what she exposes our kids to is really getting to me. Again, I am glad to be away from her and out of the marriage. I truly believe that it is best for everyone now that we have reached this point. Although I tried to cling to our family with everything I have, I now know that it wasn't healthy. But my kids are and will always be my #1 priority. I spent a long time believing that they were hers also. I really thought divorce was the hardest thing in the world. I wonder if co-parenting without the element of trust isn't even harder....

9 comments posted: Monday, May 11th, 2020

Is this supposed to be easy??

My divorce was finalized a couple months ago. While the end of my marriage was terrible, heartbreaking, and nothing I ever wanted, it happened nonetheless. I read everything I could, went to therapy, worked on myself, and finally realized that while I loved my ex and was always fully committed to my marriage and family, there is just no way that I could be married to her anymore after seeing her lack of commitment and disrespect for me and our family.

After the divorce was finalized, I planned to take time and just enjoy single life. I have always been very social and have a huge, great network fo friends. But I got out and met new people, had fun, and surprisingly didn't feel broken or bitter in any way. It is as if once that marriage door was fully and finally closed, a switch flipped, and it was up to me to move on and continue to live my life.

My concern (if you can call it that) is that I have found someone that seems absolutely fantastic. She is patient, understanding, and we get along extremely well. Our chemistry is ridiculous and nothing feels forced in any way. I feel completely comfortable being open with her and she seems to feel the same.

I feel like I'm missing something. I am concerned that this is some kind of rebound relationship and that I should be more guarded. It just seems really unlikely that after a 14 year marriage that I would stumble so quickly into the perfect woman. Has this happened to anyone else?

Again, I'm not sure what I'm asking, but any advice/experiences would be helpful. I'm not looking to move forward quickly (mostly due to being extremely cognizant and careful with my kids, as is she), but it just feels suspiciously easy. It seems silly to walk away and slow down just because the timeline is different than I expected it to be. Guess there are certainly worse problems out there...

13 comments posted: Wednesday, April 29th, 2020

First Date in forever. . . .

Went to dinner this weekend with a beautiful, honest, lovely lady. Kinda happened spur of the moment, but I felt like it was the thing to do. Had a fantastic time and talked about everything. Felt good to be appreciated. I have been doing really well distancing myself from STBX physically and have about 2 weeks until divorce is finalized. However, all paperwork is done and I am good knowing that I can't be married to her anymore. She isn't safe for me and isn't interested in putting in the work that would be necessary to repair our marriage.

I'm finally feeling like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I got a glimpse of it this weekend.

I really thought that putting myself out there and meeting new people would feel awkward. Instead it seems to be natural and something that I have been missing for a long time. lIntimacy comes in many forms, and I think I've just been missing having someone interested in getting to know me and be interested in me.

It's just nice to feel good and see potential . . . .

5 comments posted: Monday, February 17th, 2020

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