Life just doesn’t feel how I thought it would 2.5 years into reconciliation

[Husband had an affair and we were separated for 18 months. After lots of to and fro cake eating from him, then me ending the limbo and moving on, he split with the Ap for good and asked to come home to work on our relationship. As it was during lockdown time and the fact we had a 3 year old child and he was effectively homeless I agreed to let him sleep in the spare room of our co owned home. As time went on and he proved his intentions to me, doing independent counselling, we slowly attempted reconciliation].

We will have been back together 2.5 years now and we have done so well to rebuild the pieces of our marriage. Everything is ok… but the problem is me- everything does just feel "ok" not how I used to feel about him, I don’t fancy him the same as I used to, the sex feels more detached for me. I’ve been telling myself that it will just take time and we are doing the right thing by giving it a real try. However recently I just can’t shake the feelings of "is this just it now for the rest of my life?" Nothing looks or feels how I thought it would. I don’t feel proud to be his wife anymore. I feel like our marriage has been devalued by us being with other people and having vows broken. I feel like all our key life memories and lovely bonding times are all before his affair and now it’s just.. flat? Yet I can’t bring myself to end it and I don’t want to go back to not seeing my child for days and missing out on time with them. I know it would be so upsetting for them and a financial nightmare. I keep thinking about had I met someone else and never attempted reconciliation could I be happier right now? Are these feelings familiar to anyone else? I feel so messed up! X

16 comments posted: Monday, August 28th, 2023