WW 38 BH 36 (SaddestDad)PA/LTEA 3 years. M 5.5 years.Grateful for each moment that BH gives the chance for R.

"Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better." Maya Angelou

6 years after dday 1

I mistitled the post and couldn’t figure out how to change it.

It’s been 6 years today from the first dday. I’ve said it before and I will say it again… please don’t do what I did. Please spare your BS the trickle truth and all the agony that comes with multiple ddays.

Today, 6 years later, dday looks different.

We discuss dday for about a month before. We discuss the horrible irony that this dday has become bittersweet and such a big turning point for us. Our entire relationship and marriage was founded and built on lies and deceit. When BS first discovered my affairs 6 years ago it shattered him and nearly destroyed him. For a long while it did. It took years of intense work to bring us to where we are today.

Before dday our marriage was in a downward trajectory because of my lies, my affairs, my repression of memories. Dday burned our marriage to the ground and through blood, sweat and tears we rebuilt it from the ground up.

It’s 6 years later. We had our 3rd child who just turned 18 months. We celebrated our 10 year anniversary. We are doing well. We marvel at this every day. We NEVER take it for granted. My husband is doing better than ever. He smiles, he laughs, he thrives in his new job and as dad to our 3 littles. We are partners for the first time. We have risen from the ashes and created a beautiful and healthy relationship. We now have hope and love. We now respect each other and we communicate with each other. This was only able to happen due to his sacrifices of enduring an agonizing year filled with 6 and years of suffering afterwards.

Today, on the 6th year after the first dday, BS went to work today. It’s a hard day. We’ve been talking throughout. He’s sad. He goes dark from time to time. I’m here for him. I still have to fight my old instincts today to run away from the pain and suffering of this day. I still have to fight my nature that if I ignore something then it didn’t happen. I’m a different person. BS is a different person. We as husband and wife have a different marriage.

Every year dday looks different. Every year it comes and goes. I thank God and my BS for every happy day we have…but I also am thankful for the hard ones that catapulted us out of a doomed and broken relationship and into something more meaningful and lasting. The pain is real, the agony is real, the betrayal is real… but so is the hope and the blessings that came after.

4 comments posted: Tuesday, February 4th, 2025

4 years since dday

It has been 4 years since dday 1. This is one of my biggest regrets. That there was more than one dday. Despite all of the doubts many had regarding my many forgotten memories, the result of trickle truth and multiple ddays caused my BS so much unnecessary hurt and pain. Seeing his anguish with each new discovery and setting back the hurt and healing to day zero is something I wish I could undo (yes, of course I wish I could turn back time and not have any A’s in the first place). For any new waywards, I implore you from experience not to do this if you care to save your BS and your relationship. Just lay it all out there if you are able or do the bulk of the investigating yourself so you don’t have surprises and new details resurface. Your twisted mind thinks you are saving them from more hurtful details but you are causing unimaginable and possibly irreparable damage.

I did a lot of work. We did a lot of work. We are both still doing the work. It took years. It will take many more. He is not "over it" but he is now a happy and healthy family man. These days we are in a good place. Our marriage is in a good place and I am so thankful to this community and all of your support to get us to this place. It’s not a perfect place but we are in a better place. There is laughter and love and hope.
You can have this too but you have to do the work… and it is HARD work but it is worth being broken down to build yourself back up.

5 comments posted: Monday, February 6th, 2023