WW says affair partner is better at initiating sex
I haven't posted in awhile but something my WW said this morning really hurt. We've struggled with intimacy since her affair. Here affair included explicit and demeaning setting. Prior to her affair I always initiated, she was always sexual reserved. Since her affair I've asked for the serial attention her affair partner received and asked for her to initiate sex with me. She did initiate that last Saturday but I wasn't feeling up to it (our region got hit with a lot of snow and I'd been out all day at my job clearing it so was in some physical pain). The next day she didn't bring it up and wasn't affectionate at all. We went to bed without discussing it and I woke up this morning triggered by it.
Her affair destroyed me. As part of reconciliation I've asked for her to initiate, at least for awhile, because feel too emasculated to risk the rejection. I've also asked for the attention the affair partner got. I'm okay if she communicates that she's not in the mood as long as we talk about it and she intiates in a few days of feeling better but ignoring the elephant in the room builds me up to a trigger. I've said to her that if I have to ask for it (sexual attention) I don't want it, feels like she's just checking a box.
This morning I brought it up and she blamed me for not initiating on Sunday after she did on Saturday. She then said that her affair partner got the attention from her because he was "more involved" and would initiate with her. I lost it at this point and resorted to yelling and some name calling which is something I continue to struggle with when triggered. She always has said she didn't find anything more attractive about the affair partner but I think the fact she feels he was "more involved" counts.
Am I asking for too much in asking for her to initiate with follow through, at least for a period of time? How should I respond to how she compares me to her affair partner? I feel that the fact I'm still here and willing to try (mind movies and all) is more love than anyone has shown me.
32 comments posted: Tuesday, January 31st, 2023