BH - Me, 39, at time of A WW - 35, at time of A DDay - July 1st, 2017 EA > PA, Sept 2016>June 2017, PA End of June. Married 8 years, July 4th, 2009, two kids 3 and 5 at the time of the A. Shooting for the stars and working hard for R...

Update, it has been a minute…

Hi all!
I just thought about writing a bit of an update. I never really posted that much, only when I was really stuck, but this site has helped me a lot. Both in the advice on my posts and on the thinking I did after reading the posts of others. I’m grateful for that.
We are closing in on the seven year dday anniversary. Her affair was physical the last two weeks of June, 2017. It was emotional well before that. I’m always a little edgy this time of year. We are both teachers, so summer is a big thing, but so are the reminders. I’m sure you can find my story, my w slept with the janitor at our school while I was out on sick leave with a broken neck. I had to return to work with him in the building. It was awful, worse because he was quite inappropriate, so there are a lot of reminders that aren’t based on season. I only really feel the anniversary reminders now. It’s been different this year though. Still think about it more than usual, but the thoughts stay in the head. I don’t have the visceral things happening anymore. That’s good.
We are stronger now than we’ve been in a while. We’ve been through and are travelling through some shit. Her dad died a little while ago. A very important figure in all of our lives. She has grieved and has let me support her. I’m giving the eulogy at the funeral. Her mom asked me. My w and I are writing it together and it’s been a really profound experience.
We are coming up to the seven year mark. They say 2-5 years, but it was more than that for me. I still get tripped up at times. I can say with certainty that I am in a place I never thought I’d get to with my wife. I’m really happy I took the risk to stay together. Things can obviously change, but in the now, things are really very good. Our kids are happy, but still struggle. We can work together to help them. Our fights are there, but stay on topic. They rarely shift to things in the past. That’s because of the work I’ve done.
There are definitely still things. I know she is happier, but I worry there is more work to be done. She is resistant to therapy, I’ve been going for almost seven years! She’s not a sad person, but there is a depressive side that can, and definitely has, caused damage lurking in the shadows. That scares me.
On the whole though, things are really good on the home front. We are surprisingly a happy and healthy family. It’s work, and a lot of it for a lot of time, but it can definitely be worth it.

8 comments posted: Thursday, June 6th, 2024