I may be knocked down, but I'm not knocked out.
Ex husband remarried with in a year....
So I received an email today about a life insurance beneficiary changing which confused me. After alittle research i figured out it was my ex husbands account and he must of forgot my email was on it when he updated his beneficiary, to his new wife.
That was a rough start to the day. I was already blown away by the fact that he was in a committed relationship before our divorce was final but this was really unexpected I guess.
Time line reference
Husband left June 2020
Divorce finalized October 2020
Ex husband in relationship Nov 2020
Married Dec 2021
So within a year and a half of us no longer being together he has moved on and remarried. I'm not sure what I feel. I guess a bit hurt that it was so easy for him. But also apart of me thinks this is insanity to get remarried that quickly.
I guess I've spent the last almost two years trying to make sense of it all. To deal with my emotions and accept the end of my 13 year relationship. My 10 years married, I've slowly been letting it go. Coping, sometimes well sometimes not
Yet here he is, not phased at all. It hurts from that aspect, how forgettable I was. But at the same time I cringe at wanting someone who was never that deep and that could move on so easily. I feel more numb than anything, I don't think I've really let it sink in because I'm just in disbelief.
Am I crazy for thinking this is crazy?
13 comments posted: Thursday, February 24th, 2022
Stbhx is a twat, and I met someone.
Trying to iron out some fine details on our mediation agreement and got hit with if I dont sign the agreement today (well now yesterday) my STBHX is pulling his offer. Lawyer says dont worry, they're trying to bully me into signing something that isn't in my favor. Putting alot of trust into my lawyer and praying we don't end up in court.
But I met someone.
We met online, talked multiple times on the phone, then had a lunch date. That turned into drinks, that turned into dinner. 9 hours we spent together just talking and it was so amazing. Hes funny, attractive, insanely smart and sees someone in me past the damaged. He continues to reassure me that he will be patient with me, that he knows I'm going through alot, and I'm worth the wait.
But how do I trust? I want to believe he is genuine so badly. Obviously he has no obligation to drive the 30 minutes he does to see me, when we work opposite shifts (both health care). No reason to deal with a divorcing women with obvious trauma yet here he is. But I'm so scared to let my guard down to believe in what he's saying, what he's showing me. I want to, badly. But I feel like if I can't trust him, maybe I'm wasting his time? Maybe I'm not ready? Can something too good to be true actually be real?
Anyone else face the hardship of finding trust in a new relationship? He constantly tells me I'm beautiful and worth it but I just don't see it. He even told me he can tell I think it's just words and not truth and reassures me he'll continue to be patient with me. But I'm sure that'll get old fast.
How do you feel enough after spending so long feeling like you're not? Am I just not ready? Not healed enough?
34 comments posted: Saturday, October 3rd, 2020
Why did I cheat just to break my own heart?
I'm miserable without him, and he's happier without me. I had a good life. Why did I ruin it? I just can't find a reason as to why I destroyed everything I had. I feel like I'm walking around with a mask on, faking it until I can go home and just drown in my pain. He's living a better life without me and I just feel like I was nothing but a burden to him.
I don't know how much longer I can do this.
3 comments posted: Wednesday, August 26th, 2020