“Friends” and Boundaries

For those of you that have young adult children, how would you feel if someone you considered a close friend, got involved, including sexually, with your grandchild’s other parent? Would you feel that that is disrespectful of the relationship your "close friend" has with you?

I have young adult children, and I would be upset if someone I considered a close friend did that.

In this situation, it is a man that got involved with a woman that has been in a relationship with his close friend’s son for a couple of years, and the son and the woman have a baby together, that was less than a year old when the "friend" started a sexual relationship with her. The son and his girlfriend were not on good terms at the time, but not completely separated when the parent’s "friend" started the relationship with the baby’s Mother. But even if they were broken up for good, and hated each other, I think it is still icky for a man to have a sexual relationship with the mother of his "close friend’s" grandchild.

Would you want to know this about somebody you consider a close "friend" if they were involved with, and having sex with your grandchild’s other parent? Would you have a problem with it? And if you knew both of the "friends", and that this was going on, would you tell the parent with the grandchild, what their close "friend" was doing with their child’s SO?

9 comments posted: Wednesday, March 19th, 2025

Karma

I originally came to this site because I had been betrayed by my partner.

I did not allow him to try to rugsweep, he worked on him, and we worked on our relationship, and eventually I let it go, and eventually it just became part of our past as far as I was concerned.

Years later, life got tough and he cheated again.

But that’s not even really why I am writing this.

I am writing this because back then when I found this site, I eventually admitted that when I was younger, I was an AP to a married man. One person here understandably had a real problem with me after that. I was honest here, that the man’s wife eventually discovered what we were doing, and contacted me, and I would not give her any information, I kept telling her she needed to talk to her husband and not me.

In hindsight, 20 years later, I know how wrong I was, but I’m still not sure that since she already knew her husband had been cheating with me, and I didn’t deny it, whether me answering her questions would’ve really helped her more than it would’ve cause her more pain. She had the basic facts, and at the time, I didn’t want to add to the harm I’d caused her, with details. Whether it was wrong or right, that’s what I felt at the time.

They eventually divorced a few years later. When I heard about it, I felt really bad, because even though he was a serial cheater and I knew it when I was fooling with him, I felt awful about the fact that I’d cheated with him, and how that may have played a part in them eventually getting divorced. I wasn’t the only person he cheated with, but I felt bad about having been a part of his shit, period.

After all of that, I started working on myself, and being a better person in every way that I recognized I could try to be. That included working on things about myself that I felt made it okay for me to be an AP for a married man when I did that.

And after all of that work to try to be a better me, I ended up committing myself and my life, to a cheater.

I can’t even be mad if the man in my past, his wife hoped and prayed that one day I would feel the pain she felt. If she did, her wish has come true, even though I’m not the same person I was back then.

So maybe karma really is a thing. I’ve grown so much, and would never do some of the things I did when I was younger. But maybe I am reaping now, what I sowed back then.

This is kind of a letter to BS’s who are hung up on the AP’s their spouses betrayed them with. I wasn’t the only woman that man cheated on his wife with, before and after me, but I know that what I did with him was my own choice, and there is nothing that makes that okay. I moved on to work on myself and be a better person, and would never do something like that again, but that doesn’t erase what I did with him and how I harmed his wife.

And maybe there is sometimes karma that BS’s don’t know about. Because she doesn’t know anything about me and my current life, but now I can’t help but think about what I did back then, and how I participated in wrecking her marriage and her life while I’m going through what I’m going through now.

15 comments posted: Wednesday, January 15th, 2025