Me:BW (42) Him:WH (42) 3 DS 25,20,19
Married 19 years, 6 months
Together 19 years, 9 months
D-day: 7-12-15 (OEA)
TT: 11-22-15 (also had phone sex)
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
5 years later, things I reflect on
I was last on, gosh probably 2016 or 2017...cheated on and feeling like crap. Well, I ended up leaving my cheating husband, divorced him after trying for a year to work it out, left for CO, and went into a post-divorce dysfunctional spiral down. Looking back, I was trying to make up for that party world I guess I missed since I became a mother 5 days after I turned 17 and marrying my (future) cheater when I was 20. At the end (or so I thought) of that spiral, I met a guy (at the bar I had been going to every night for a year). He's 16 years my junior. I'm now 46 and he's 30. We've been together 5 years.
In that 5 years, I've realized that the young guy I got with is an alcoholic. I had never seen him in the bar before, so he wasn't a regular. I thought his partying and mine were just a part of us having fun in a new relationship. Well, me with my alcoholic tendencies (now, I realize) since divorce have followed along with his chronic drinking. It's obvious (now) that we both have a problem and feed off one another. In the time we were together in CO, in 2019, my oldest son died on the streets of CO from an accidental overdose. It had been the worst time in my life, being newly divorced after 20 years, having my son addicted to drugs and living on the streets, and living with the guilt that I had stayed married to a man that had significantly contributed to my son's mental issues. Here I am now in 2022, 46 years old and trying to fight alot of demons. I just want a normal life with a home and a place my granddaughter (my deceased son's child) can come to visit. I am still with my bf, and I love him. We stopped drinking (for 6 months) in the past, and our relationship was great, just boring, because we're both introverted and do nothing. Drinking was our entertainment. But we picked it back up about a year after my son passed, and now it's worse than ever.
Firstly, have any of you been through something similar and might provide some sound advice?
Secondly, if not, please heed my warning and avoid alcohol, major decisions, and people of the opposite sex for atleast one year post divorce. I now realize it should be a time for self reflection and emotional recovery, not partying and meeting possible new mates.
6 comments posted: Wednesday, August 3rd, 2022
Facebook help please
Can someone friend request this woman on Facebook, and if she accepts, look at her post responses on Sept. 19th to see what my husband said to her? I'm guessing it would be more likely to work if it were a man but if not, that's okay too. Thank you
3 comments posted: Tuesday, September 20th, 2016
Can someone make a call for me
to try to find out who this number belongs to please?
Sorry. Nevermind. I just figured it out.
[This message edited by Sammexi at 2:44 PM, August 23rd (Tuesday)]
0 comment posted: Tuesday, August 23rd, 2016
Some good relationship reads
"After the Affair" by Janis Abrahms Spring, Ph.D.,ABPP. The completely updated second edition has a chapter about OA's. This is a great book for both BS and WS. My husband and I read it together. Well, he listened to the audio version because he hates to read.
"Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage" by John M. Gottman, Ph.D., Julie Schwartz Gottman, Ph.D., and Joan DeClaire
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" by John Gottman, Ph.D., and Nancy Silver
2 comments posted: Tuesday, November 17th, 2015