Deciding my next move

11 months ago, my life came crashing down around me when I found out my husband of 9 years and the father of my two small children fathered a child with another woman. He denied and gaslit me throughout, refusing to admit that he has another child, despite undeniable proof. I even intercepted the positive paternity test in the mail with the child support judgement and he continued to deny the child, telling me he only cheated once and didn't know about the kid. And has also said nothing about the mysterious 150 missing from his paycheck every week.

I found out in February that we have to move out of our home, which is owned by my Aunt, so my cousin can move in and I have until the mid/end of August to be out. I have procrastinated beyond belief in telling him I want to move on without him when we leave our home, but felt such apprehension and guilt around my children and just the emptiness I know I will feel when he is no longer around...even though he has made himself scarce and barely comes out of the bedroom. He hasn't been a real partner for years.

Last night, after I was away with the kids for 5 nights, I finally grew the balls to tell him I want to separate. I had to just spit it out, instead of giving him the prepared speech I had because he absolutely refused to sit down and have an adult conversation with me. It did not go as I planned. I guess my expectations were too high thinking he would be able to have a conversation and discuss the future with our children, etc. He left with a grocery store bag's worth of.clothes, hugged and kissed the kids, told them he would see them tomorrow, and left.

I am so unsure of my next steps! I applied for an apartment but do not know if I have gotten it yet. If I don't, I plan to live with my parents for the time being, with my kids. We have one month before we have to be out of our home. Do I let him continue to come and go as he pleases to keep the peace, ask him not to return, or just take the kids and move in with my parents until I find an apartment? I am so so so confused.

I will be filing for divorce as soon as I get the necessary paperwork together. I have consulted with a lawyer three times now while I got my head out of my ass.

Just looking for any advice, or personal experiences.

Thanks everyone!

5 comments posted: Tuesday, July 20th, 2021