mamazen

me 57
WH 58
married 19 years
separated since 3/2013 (in house until 8/2013)
D FINAL! Sept 10 2014
D-day Dec 21 2013 (after separation)
2 sons 17 and 13
OW = family friend and WH work colleague, going on m

A Mother's Reckoning

subtitled Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy

by Sue Klebold

This book was written by the mother of one of the Columbine shooters, 17 years later.

I was enrapt by it---read it cover-to-cover in 2 days.

In it she talks about her experience during (and before and after) the crisis, as well as her memories of her son Dylan. They seemed to have a normal suburban life, and he seemed to be a normal American teenager.

Her honesty is absolutely amazing---her descent into horror and grief, her constant questioning of herself, why didn't she see something amiss, etc. It touched me in so many places....I was reminded of my own horror and grief/PTSD surrounding my divorce. It shows how the life we lead can be pure illusion, and the reactions that occur when we realize reality (that happened to me, with other details obviously). As the mother of 2 teenage boys, it also alarmed me into not being so dismissive of little signs that things can be amiss. I felt not so alone in my own descent into hell---we are all tied together in grief reactions. And I realized that if someone doesn't want you to know them, or to hide things from you, they will, period, despite vigilance (this also helped me with processing my own situation--there is some reassurance in that, oddly enough). She admirably avoided blame (except of herself, in her constant questioning--as if she could have changed the outcome). And she cites lots of experts and studies about teen suicide, and the factors that can lead to tragedy.

Can't recommend this book highly enough! It really touched me. I have so much compassion for her. And admiration for her courage.

2 comments posted: Sunday, May 22nd, 2016

Nanny Cams?

Fortunately I don't need anymore any of the devices most of you talk about; xWH long gone (too bad I had no clue about the A before he left). But I am suspecting one of my office cleaners of lifting little things (like water bottles; a picture, etc). I'd like to set up a nanny-cam-like device (motion-sensored) so I can see which one it is (and inform their boss)! I could also be experiencing "senior moments"---so if the staff is clean, all the better. Any brands you'd recommend? Things to look for in them? Where would I buy something like this?

Thanks for all advice.

0 comment posted: Tuesday, February 16th, 2016

Canadians might like....Island Girl

by Lynda Simmons

A colleague at work lent this to me last week, said she liked it. The Island refers to *Toronto* Island!

The characters are a woman with early onset alzheimer's, her adult kids, and their adventures, and dealing with things. Nice descriptions of the area (I learned a lot, not being from Ontario). I liked the story, and the way it was written from 3 of the character's perspectives. Explores family dynamics and hurts and forgiveness of imperfections. Overall uplifting and an easy pleasant read.

0 comment posted: Friday, February 5th, 2016

Why is the cookbook closed?

I'm not new to SI, but haven't hung around here a lot so far ("fun and games" didn't seem to apply for a long time LOL)

I noticed the cookbook thread is locked. The posts are from 2008-2009.

Surely there are lots of new folks between then and now who have culinary show-off needs!

And cooking trends have changed a lot since then (green smoothies, anyone?)

Who's up for a new cookbook? Mods? What do you think?

6 comments posted: Saturday, August 29th, 2015

"You Should Have Known"

by Jean Hanff Korelitz

Anyone else read this? I just finished it, and I really related! It's fiction, about a marriage counsellor whose belief is that there is no excuse for not knowing in advance that a person is bad for you; there are so many signs that are missed, and it's our fault….and she is just about to become famous for writing a book on that subject. Then, her "perfect" marriage unravels, she finds out things about her husband that are downright psychopathic (don't want to give spoilers). I kind of loved watching her fall…and to see her lose her judgemental attitude and gain some compassion for her clients.

I related because I went through a bit of that; being surprised that my WH had a secret life that I had no idea of before…I was kind of glad to see her get her (metaphoric) ass kicked for being so darn judgemental!

6 comments posted: Tuesday, December 30th, 2014