Newest Member: Stich

knightsbff

fWW 40s, BH 40s D-day 27 Aug 2012. Kids 25, 17, 13. 2 dogs. I edit often to fix stuff ☺️ Profoundly grateful Every. Single. Day. that I am blessed with an H with strength, integrity, and compassion, and that he decided to try.

9 years out and feeling gratitude

It’s really nice to pop in and see many familiar names still helping others cope with this hell some of us have inflicted on ourselves and others we profess to care about. I am one of the lucky ones. I would love to paint a picture of perfection for those still deep in the trauma but I can’t.

We are still together and we are mostly happy. We definitely love each other. We support each other. We have fun together. I am lucky to still have him in my life.

We both still have triggers. I help him through his the best I can and I don’t talk about mine. I’m sure some of you would say I should talk about it but there is no way that I am going to throw my A in his face if he is having a good day or a good moment. My triggers look like: me being reminded of something from the A and thinking how awful I was and how gross it is that I did whatever or any of it, *shudder* barf . Then I think about how that will never happen again. And then I think how being so cocky about the impossibility of it happening again could be a recipe for disaster. So then I think about the work I have done and the boundaries I have in place and I am comforted that I am safe and he is safe.

Things are overall really good. There is a slight bit of weirdness though. Knight and I work in the same place now. We handle it well and we actually enjoy it. If feels pretty good he always seems to be proud of me and I am of him as well. I have been asked to take on a leadership role and one of my coworkers has been asked to do it with me. She is a couple decades younger, very pretty and reminds me (and Knight) of myself.We have become good friends and spend a lot of time outside of work together (the 3 of us quite often). The role we are filling is taking a lot of prep time outside of work and we also travel together occasionally as well. Knight is not required (or paid) to travel with us but he likes to go just because we tend to have fun and eat well. I didn't come here to say all this but since I can tell you guys anything here goes. Knight has a crush on my friend. She is separated from her husband because I think he had an A and porn addiction. Knight has not done anything inappropriate at all, nor has she and I don’t believe either of them would. I’m not even mad (occasionally irritated). They both seem to have naturally strong boundaries. Also she has no interest in Knight other than respect and friendship (she is more friends with me). I don’t know what my point is here other than it’s strange seeing my H, who has always only had eyes for me seem to be enamored with someone else. He still treats me as lovely as he always has. I am not suffering and I really can’t blame him. She is smart, funny, beautiful and kind. Again he has not done anything wrong at all. I don’t feel like I should be worried. Should I?

So other than the slight weirdness around here which I’m not bothered about because I enjoy my friend’s company too and we are doing interesting work as well, I am saying things are pretty positive. I would be much happier to report that his triggers were minimal but we still live in the small town where I conducted my A. I would love to move away but Knight says it’s not an option right now. So we deal with the day to day, we deal with the triggers, and we love one another.

6 comments posted: Sunday, February 6th, 2022

Because I know someone on SI will understand

Horsey love!!!!!!

I have never really had a hobby. Never really wanted one.

I crocheted a couple wash cloths last year, I get enthusiastic about cooking something every once in a while. I bake a (bad) loaf of bread occasionally. I plant a garden then let it die or become over run by weeds. I sew something when needed.

Knight and I tried crossfit. I used to run the occasional 5k. I tried jujuitsu (seriously did NOT enjoy rolling around on the floor with sweaty men).

My kids started taking riding lessons with a friend of mine last year. We used to own horses and went on plenty trail rides but none of us ever had formal, proper instruction. I took the kids for a few months. I would watch my friend work her fancy dressage horses and I would feel the pull. So one day I asked if I could take a few lessons because I had never sat in an english saddle. And addiction happened!

For my birthday/Christmas/anniversary this year Knight bought me a horse going at 2nd level and I am in LOVE. I have only been able to ride him twice because he is being boarded 3 hours away while we get his new home prepared for him.

But he is such a nice mover! And such sweet ground manners! And he's soooooo preeeetty!!!! I think we will have to drive to him this week so i can get a ride in.

I am always so happy to see anyone on SI have squeee worthy moments. Well guys, this is mine! SQUEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

[This message edited by knightsbff at 9:45 AM, January 25th (Wednesday)]

28 comments posted: Wednesday, January 25th, 2017

Out of the mouths of babes

During a family car ride we are having a discussion about history. How the victors' version is often the version recorded and widely accepted as truth.

DS 11 puts in, "Also much of history that has been passed down and accepted as truth is apocryphal, for example George Washington and the Cherry tree."

I am a product of public school education and a state university but I had to google "apocryphal". He watches too many educational shows on TV. We are going to have to work really hard to get him to learn redneck so he can fit in around here.

7 comments posted: Friday, April 10th, 2015

For all of you in the white frozen lands

My daughter's university postponed her research day presentation that was supposed to take place this am until next week because temps dropped to freezing today.

They closed all the public school here last one day last week for the same reason. We didn't even get snow just a bit of frost on the grass in the morning.

7 comments posted: Thursday, March 5th, 2015

Did I miss it????

I've been in and out of SI lately....

Where did the St. Pat's G2G go?

Did we miss it? It's not even St. Patrick's Day yet! Why can't I find it?

2 comments posted: Tuesday, February 17th, 2015

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