I want him to suffer

This is fresh & new & truly awful. I've read a lot here, I know all the feels are normal.

I really want him to suffer. I know he can't & doesn't hurt like I do, but I want him to see what he has truly done to me. I want to say all the awful things. I want to really dig it in that I am betrayed & devastated & hurt all because he's an idiot. He's why I can't sleep, can't eat. He's why I can't stop crying & don't feel safe.

I don't know where our marriage will end up, but for now, I want him right here in our home seeing the actual devastation he has caused.

Is that part normal?

9 comments posted: Sunday, June 23rd, 2024

Kids

I need some advice around kids.

Mine ar B18, B15 & G13. All are still at school & all spend a lot of time at home.

They aren't stupid & they know something is up. None of them have asked (me anyway, & WH hasn't said) but what do I say?

I don't want them to know WH cheated & of course, I have no clue what the future will hold.

Do I just tell them that we are dealing with a few personal things right now, but we are always here for them no matter what?

5 comments posted: Saturday, June 22nd, 2024

Here again

I have been here before, 15 years ago, when my husband cheated on me. We had been married for 5 years & had 2 small children.

Fast forward to now. We now have 3 children, they aren't so small anymore (18, 15 & 13) & have been married for almost 20 years. And he did it again.

This time, it wasn't physical. It was multiple women online, but 1 particular one. And it literally spanned a bit over a week. He got caught because we were on the way out for lunch & his phone was plugged into the GPS / screen / I don't know what it's called, & a message from her popped up. He denied knowing her but he did tell me when I asked that night (5 nights ago).

To say I am absolutely devastated is an understatement. I would have bet my life that he wouldn't do it again. But he did.

I don't know if I can get past it again. I don't know if I want to. I don't know if I want to be married to him because I love him or because I'm scared to be alone.

I know I can't make those decisions yet but I'm hurting so very badly. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't even turn to my mum because she died a few years ago.

This man was my everything. He was my person, my rock, my security, my safe place. Now it's gone. I don't feel safe anymore (physically all is fine, there has never been any violence).

I'm heartbroken & feel so worthless & disrespected.

I know I'm not alone, but geez, this hurts.

18 comments posted: Saturday, June 22nd, 2024