hcg1553 (original poster new member #87284) posted at 11:16 PM on Thursday, September 17th, 2026
I've posted on here previously about how my husband has a relationship with another woman, moved in with her kids etc and then when I found out, returned home claiming mental breakdown. It's coming up to a year and things feel as horrible as ever. He's adamant he had a breakdown, doesn't remember making any decisions etc but his version of events remembered through a cloud of drugs and my version, with no substances, are very different.
I have given him every opportunity to be a father, to reduce financial pressure on him and even offer friendship in the hope he would use the time and space to rebuild his life, but every boundary I have put down becomes a starting point for negotiation or just a rule to be broken.
He has scheduled us for counselling because he's adamant that we need to try reconcile as the affair wasn't his fault due to mental illness.
I'm quite nervous about counselling. He can be really charming and persuasive. I already feel like I've been managed the last year, first by him and AP, and then when he returned through suicide ideation and excessive drinking. What if he dominates the counselling or charms them. I don't have much more strength left to defend myself or refute his versions to someone new.
Any thoughts? Has anyone has experiences of joint counselling they could share?
Thanks in advance.
annb ( member #22386) posted at 12:14 AM on Friday, September 18th, 2026
Honestly, your husband needs individual counseling.
I would hold off on the couples' counseling.
Your husband is broken, he stepped out of the marriage, he needs to fix his own sh*t before he pulls you in.
It doesn't sound like he is willing to be held accountable for his actions, there's no negotiating boundaries IMO, no rationalizing with an excessive drinker, that needs to stop as well if there is any hope to move forward.
