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I agree

[This message edited by justsendit at 7:09 PM, Sunday, April 12th]

Justendit - I will start first by saying I agree with everything you said. All of it. 1000%

Now let me clarify a few things since there seems to be a slight misunderstanding about my wife driving.

She has ALWAYS taken her meds religiously. She has never driven without being released by her neurologist or against drs orders. In our state the waiting period to drive again after a seizure is 3 months. 3 months. Which I think is fucking insane. It should be at least a year.

The issue with us was, after her 3 months went by and her neurologist released her to drive again, I still said no. Now, we could get into it whether or not 3 months is long enough to be considered "safe." I personally don't think that's long enough. I think it should be a minimum of a year. MINIMUM. But it's not in Arizona. It's 3 months, and her Dr cleared her to drive. Which is what she threw in my face every time we got into an argument about it. I, in fact, used your drunk driving analogy when I argued with her several times.

Was she still being selfish? Yes, I think so. Absolutely. Was she not following her Dr's orders or breaking the law? No. She did everything by the book and has always followed her Dr's orders. I still just didn't think it was safe enough, and I fought with her about it, but she didn't do anything illegal or against her Dr's orders. Every time she's had a seizure she stopped driving for 3 months and got clearance before driving again.

I think the law needs changed and possibly her Dr needs smacked, but it was what it was. That said, it's been over a year and a half since she's gotten behind the wheel, and she's has completely stopped arguing with me about it. Fortunately the accidents she's gotten into no one was ever hurt. As far as I'm concerned she's not driving ever again, and she's okay with that now.

Ohhhh I see. That was my mistake then, and I apologize for my post.

As far as timing goes, there are several states that allow a 3 month period of being seizure free before driving privileges are restored. I think most states are 6-12 months. It can be shortened depending on the reason for the seizure (a known cause of breakthrough in someone previously well-controlled).

However, if the seizures are uncontrolled, we usually push it further. In some cases, we will have their driver’s license suspended. Well, physicians cannot suspend a license but we have a line of communication with the DMV and they will suspend it on our recommendation. I don’t follow patients on the outpatient basis, but the Neurologists I work with will typically push a longer driving hiatus if there are frequent breakthroughs that they are still actively working to control. So, while the letter of the law seemed to have been followed, most Neurologists I work with would have pushed for probably a 12 month evaluation period if she was still having seizures, as it is a danger to herself and others (as per my previous harangue).

Anywho, that’s just some of the logistics of these workings. I apologize again for my misunderstanding and the strong reaction I had to it.

[This message edited by justsendit at 9:06 PM, Sunday, April 12th]

That was the crux of a lot of our problems leading into her affair. She got into a fender bender in October of '24. She was restricted for the following 5 months. After a new med was added, her 5 months was up, and she was cleared in February I fought her on it. The fights got bad. I managed to prevent her from driving, but it got nasty. That's when Mr wonderful entered the picture. He, too has epilepsy and he drives anyway. He used that to convince her I was an overbearing, controlling asshole who was just being mean and controlling for no reason because she was cleared to drive. Our d day was in April.

Well, I should say she allowed him to convince her I was a bad husband. In either case it was a really bad period for us and she's changed a lot in the last year. He's a piece of shit in her eyes now and the driving thing is a complete non issue now.

[This message edited by Pogre at 10:31 PM, Tuesday, April 14th]

justsendit wrote:

Anywho, that’s just some of the logistics of these workings. I apologize again for my misunderstanding and the strong reaction I had to it.

I don't blame you. I really don't, tho I appreciate you acknowledging the misunderstanding.

I got just as heated with her when I would argue with her about it. I wasn't nice about it. I said very similar things to her. I just didn't think it was safe, the law be damned. The more she fought me on it the more I pushed back, and it just kept escalating. I don't think 3 months is long enough, period, and I was right. She's had 2 more since then. One in August, and again this last October. If she'd been behind the wheel either time it could have been a disaster.

[This message edited by Pogre at 2:37 PM, Monday, April 13th]

I see you man, I do.

And I agree, her actions are her’s and her’s alone. Though I guess it doesn’t help when the AP is a world class douche wagon. I’ll transfer my earlier posts onto him then, since it appears he enjoys driving with non-controlled epilepsy.

Though I guess it doesn’t help when the AP is a world class douche wagon. I’ll transfer my earlier posts onto him then, since it appears he enjoys driving with non-controlled epilepsy.

Yes, he deserves it. He had more frequent seizures, lied to his Dr about them, and would not take his meds when he wanted to drink. Which was fairly often. A real piece of work. She told me the one time she had a disagreement with him was about - you guessed it - her giving him crap for not taking his meds and driving. So a double whammy. Not only did he drive with non controlled epilepsy, he would drink and drive on top of it.

I seriously have no clue what she saw in him. I don't get it at all. I'm a better man than he is by pretty much every metric. It disgusts me, and to her credit now, it disgusts her, too.

As it is, he's a piece of dog shit I've scraped from the bottom of my shoe. Mostly gone from my reality, tho some of that odor still occasionally wafts into my nostrils.

Just to put an exclamation point on why I fought with my wife about driving even tho she had been cleared by her Dr, here's a story from one of the epilepsy groups I joined on Facebook.

In 2017 I was seizure free long enough to get my drivers license and the first day I went out for a drive by myself, when I was done running my errands I was driving home and I was on the highway and I had a seizure and wrecked the new jeep and I had to get the jaws of life to get me out of the jeep and I spent over 3 months in the hospital and broke about every single bone in my upper body and I had bad nerve damage and had to also get metal plates in my face and my left collarbone and my right arm and now I can’t bend my right arm and I have nerve damage in my face and left collarbone and right arm and I have A half inch deep hole in the top of my head and I have traumatic brain injury and my memory is very bad,so if you ever get your drivers license back from losing it because of epilepsy be careful driving,especially on your own!!!!❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

That's one of many I've seen. I don't think an arbitrary 3 month waiting period and a Dr's clearance is enough when someone has a history of unpredictable seizures. Even if they're mostly controlled and rare. I did not want to see my phone light up with my wife's name only to hear a stranger's voice on the other end explaining to me that she's been in a bad accident and is being transported to the hospital emergency room. That was a vivid nightmare scenario that had been in my head after her first accident several years ago.

Then it came partially true in October of '24. I got that exact phone call when she got into a fender bender in a parking lot. She had a seizure and hit a parked car. She was still postical so she was having trouble calling me. She handed her phone to one of the paramedics that showed up and he called for her. They were called because she was nonresponsive at first when she had the accident.

She didn't end up going to the hospital, but part of my nightmare had come true. I was in a complete panic when I heard a strange man's voice on the other end. I knew something bad had happened. I thought I was going to throw up, explode with anxiety, or both. Thank. God. She nor no one else was hurt.

I made up my mind that day that there was no way I'd be okay with her driving again. Or at least unless she could go a year or 18 months without a seizure. At the time she was having a couple a year. Just infrequently enough that she kept getting cleared to drive again after medication adjustments. It was her 2nd accident in the last ten years and I'll be damned if I was going to let her risk another one.

So of course she was released to drive after a period of about 5 months had passed, but I put my foot down and that's when all hell broke loose.

[This message edited by Pogre at 10:12 PM, Tuesday, April 14th]

You following up as you have is incredibly helpful. Thank you for taking the time to do so.

Double post

[This message edited by Pogre at 10:10 PM, Tuesday, April 14th]

Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 3:08 PM on Tuesday, April 14th, 2026

You following up as you have is incredibly helpful. Thank you for taking the time to do so.

Sure, but to be honest it's kinda therapeutic for me, too. Tho I gotta tell you man, reliving all of this is really messing me up. Not just the affair, but her last accident, me going to the scene to pick her up, her stubbornness, the arguments over driving, her lashing out and rebelling, and d day is tomorrow. It was like a little series of traumatic events all condensed into a period of several months.

I think keppra was a factor, but I swear I think a bigger part of it was her just being so angry at me over the driving part that she ran all out of fucks to give and buddied up with a fellow epileptic "friend" who loved to rub the fact that he still drives in her face and couldn't understand why her horrible husband wouldn't give in. I'm sure he made it well known that he would never be like that and try to rob her of her independence like that. Then she did the most horrible thing a person can do to a marriage.

Phew.

Well, things sure have changed in the last year. She hasn't driven in over 18 months now, and she now knows that I am more than willing - happy - to be her chauffeur. I have not once wavered from that duty and she realizes now that I really was doing it out of love for her and concern for her safety. Not to mention the safety of everyone else on the road in our area. She has not brought it up or argued with me about it once since last year. She's perfectly content to have me run her around now, and I've made it easy on her by not only doing it, I do it enthusiastically so I don't make her feel like a burden. We do everything together now, and we're both good with it. I went with her to a freaking nail appointment a couple of weeks ago...

I just get a little worked up reliving some of it and needed a little vent I guess. Things are so much better now and POSOM is slowly fading into a bad memory. The whole thing is. She has nothing for him now but contempt, and nothing but love, admiration and appreciation for me.

I'm currently just struggling with a date on the calendar right now.