The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 5:23 PM on Thursday, May 28th, 2026
You have been hit by a major trauma in your life.
Please give yourself some grace.
One of the things that worked for me was my sense of reliance. I had children I needed to be present for so I had to weather the storm. During the affair my H was often very rude and condescending and mean — I was standing in his way of his true love with the OW 
I wasn’t stopping him from leaving but I can tell you I was blamed for everything.
As I would start to detach I noticed he’d work extra hard to reel me in — then days later he’s all about "I want a D". This lasted 3 months. It ended on dday2 when I found he was still cheating but swearing up & down we are reconciling.
You will get past the crying every day. Especially when the anger phase starts.
But for now you need to get out of the house. Change of scenery — even if you meet a friend for coffee or go to the hair or nail salon. Do something you enjoy - even a cup of tea sitting on a porch. It will help you take your mind off of things even for 5-10 minutes to get a break.
I’ve been in your shoes. Devastating circumstances. But you need to rely on yourself and pick up the pieces. Otherwise you will remain stuck in this situation and be subjected to his wrath and lack of respect.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Inawe (original poster new member #87402) posted at 6:41 PM on Friday, May 29th, 2026
Thanks, the1stwife. I do feel myself detaching. I'm going through the motions of removing him from our insurance, telephone, etc. I'm planning on looking into divorce next month (want to give myself that time to process). He's too far in the affair fog to care.
He gave up a house, his relationship with his child (adult who now wants nothing to do with him), stability, a loving spouse, all for what? A fantasy? I just can't wrap my head around this and have probably said this multiple times on the thread.
We're living separately and it's now been one week. I'm praying I get to a point where I feel disgusted even thinking of him. As of today, I would love to R with some major therapy and change, but i hope next week that R is no longer something I'm interested in. It probably won't be that soon, but I hope it's soon enough. I deserved so much better than what was done to me.
